I'm moving!

It's official.  I'm moving to Penn State!  I've accepted a job as an advisor and instructor -- something a bit different than my current role that will allow me to expand my skillset while playing to my strengths.  I am excited for the transition: to learn new things, to meet new people, and to see what God has in store for me in this new season.  I've prayed for change for three years, and now it is here (after two false alarms about jobs I was "sure I would get" - ha).  I can barely believe it.  I leave this Thursday.

This change also offers me some changes I've been praying for -- additional stability, empowerment, and the opportunity to buy a house.  I prayed for clarity: clear yeses and noes.  I don't think that could have been answered any better, and God has been in the details from the big to the small.  It has been so kind, and has spoken to my heart in such a tender way.  Three of my favorite examples of God stories are

• The house - I prayed for the right place to live: one that would be convenient to campus, good for entertaining, and a place of peaceful sanctuary for me and others.  The house I bought was perfect, in my price range, and only on the market for 8 hours.  The way I got it was such a God story, and I am grateful.  I really feel like the Lord set it aside just for me.  I am excited to see the way He works in that house.

• A gig - There was some rockiness to the way my position ended.  In the end, I was asked to write a report that expounded on some ideas I had at work.  This gig not only allowed me to keep my benefits for the summer, it also pays me enough to buy a new washer dryer!  In a season where I am writing checks all the time and draining my savings to buy a house, this is no small thing.  Additionally, it provided me a little external validation that I have good ideas - something I hadn't felt in awhile.

• The washer/dryer - I had been watching sales on washers and dryers since I didn't want to pay full price.  I called my realtor to see if I had a gas or electric dryer hookup (I didn't remember).  He called me the next day and explained that he had a client who already had appliances who had just purchased a high end home that came with a washer/dryer.  He asked if I would be interested in purchasing the old washer/dryer - for $200!  What a gift.

As excited as I am for the change, Arkansas has been my home for the last nine years.  I've made a tremendous set of friends who have become like family.  I loved my job and the students I got to meet as part of it.  I experienced the dark night of my soul here and had to figure out who I was and what I valued -- and I came out on the other side.  I am a gentler, more balanced, more confident, and overall better friend, co-worker, and teacher than I was when I moved here.  Although I am sad to leave Northwest Arkansas, the people I met and experiences I had here fundamentally changed me and will always be a part of who I am.  I am forever grateful for that.

Adventure: it is exciting, and it is scary.  And it is happening.

Crazy Developments

There's a lot of life that I don't talk about on this blog for lots of reasons -- to protect the privacy of those involved in my life who don't want to be blogged about, because nothing is certain and therefore blogging about it is premature, because this blog isn't private, and so on.  There are all kinds of reasons not to write about all kinds of things.  As a result, there are lots of things that aren't documented on this blog.

One of those things (I think) is the fact that in the middle of this year, I was recruited to join staff with Cru, a college ministry.  While I was initially thinking that I would not apply to join staff, to my great surprise when I prayed about it I felt the Lord leading me to apply.  So that was the plan.  I lined up my references and looked over the application.

Because of the stuff with the Protege Program (i.e., feeling unmistakably led to apply, but ultimately not being accepted into the program), I was careful not to emotionally overcommit to the idea. While I knew the next step of the process was to apply, I was not sure if the Lord would ultimately lead me to join staff or not.  Through the process, I was forced to face and deal with some habitual and generational sin, and admit that money had become an idol to me.  It was not easy or pretty, but in the end it was good.

But then, in a series of events that probably isn't bloggable yet is not-to-be-believed and crazy improbable, I have been approached to stay on at the U of A in a job that is better suited to my strengths than even my current one, where I don't have to raise my own support to work here, and that will allow me to continue to invest in the lives of college students.  I am floored.  I am shocked.  This truly is beyond belief.

Though nothing is yet official, I believe that the next step will be to be here for a year.  I can't believe it.  Literally.  I really can't.

On the one hand it's absolutely crazy that after all of this fuss and hullabaloo, I will be doing -- to the untrained eye -- more or less the same thing.  On the other hand, this is so improbable, so unlikely, and so humanly impossible that I absolutely cannot ignore that the hand of God is in this.

I feel like the Holy Spirit is telling me that in most every way I am about to embark on a new chapter.  I am excited to see what lies ahead.  It is both exciting and a little wild to think about.  To what lies ahead -- whatever that is.  Here we go!

The Last Year

Today in the car I was thinking, "Wow, I think it's been a year since my life plan was derailed."  I looked at my calendar and, sure enough, it has been.

On February 27, 2013 I went to lunch with my boss, Kim. She is so supportive, and one of the ways it plays out is that she proactively schedules lunch with all of the assistant professors each semester.  While the lunches are great and my boss is even better, these lunches are nerve wracking and somewhat awkward in that I never know what direction the conversation will go.  I always pray in advance of these meetings, asking the Lord to direct our conversation.

At my lunch last February, the talk was serious: we were discussing strategy putting my tenure and promotion package together.  That I would go up for tenure was a foregone conclusion in my mind -- it was the obvious next step, and not really a question.  Whether I would get tenure or not was a question, but I always assumed I would at least try and then the Lord would direct the process from there.

At that lunch in February, Kim insinuated that I should really think about whether or not I even wanted tenure and let that inform whether I should go up for tenure.  I remember being insulted.  Subsequently Kim asked, "Well Sarah, what is it that you really like to do?"

I remember clearly that I had read James that morning.  The verse about asking God for wisdom and the Lord giving it freely and generously came to mind (James 1:5), so I asked the Lord what to say?  I distinctly remember Him telling me to be honest with Kim.  I thought "OMG nothing good can come of that -- the parts of my job that I like the least are the parts that are valued most in the tenure and promotion process and the parts of the job that I like most are valued the least!  I cannot tell Kim that!"  I felt the Lord again tell me, "Be honest with her."

I swallowed hard and obeyed.  I told her how much I liked teaching and advising undergraduate students, and how little I liked securing research funding and managing research.

Kim was supportive.  She listened, and told me I really had to think about what I wanted out of life.  Her question about what I wanted to do launched me on a month of thinking, praying, seeking counsel from anyone and everyone I respected.  And, ultimately, I felt the Lord's leading not to go up for tenure.

This surprised me.  This had been my plan all along, and something I'd been working toward since I graduated from college -- going to grad school to get a PhD, getting a PhD so I could get a tenure track job, getting a tenure track job so I could have job security and teach college kids forever!  This was my plan, and now it was over.  Poof.  Goodbye life plan.  Hello uncertainty, waiting, and the unknown.

Honestly, this is all still very tough.  I never would have imagined a year later, I still wouldn't have a life plan.  I am sad to leave a job that I have enjoyed, that amply provided for me, and that I have had a chance to make (at least a little bit of) a difference doing.  I have loved working with students, and I like my coworkers and will miss working with them.   I long for them to serve Jesus.  I have seen God's favor and blessing on my work here.  And I am going to miss that.  I also miss (the illusion of) feeling like I know where my life is going.

But as much as I am going to miss that, I know that the Lord is leading me elsewhere for the next season.  I don't know where that will be or what I'll be doing, but I trust Him and know that He will reveal that to me in His timing.  I can't believe this all started a year ago and I still don't know what is next.  What a wild ride this has all been.

And I'm sure the next season will be a wild ride too.  Serving Jesus is always an adventure.

Discipleship

I remember last spring when I was considering what to do about my job -- should I go up for tenure?  Should I not?  If not, what would that mean for where my life was headed?  That time was chaotic, uncertain, and extremely confusing.  I was desperate for answers from God.  In the midst of the chaos, I felt the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whisper something to me that caught me extremely off guard:

"Discipleship pastor."

Being honest, I didn't know what a discipleship pastor was.   I thought it was extremely bizarre and random.  It was out of left field, and no one was more surprised about this prompting than I was.  Nonetheless it was random enough that I thought that it just might be a God thing so I began to consider it and pray about it.

For the last six months, I have been seeking God hard -- begging for His direction, unsure of which way to go.  He hasn't been loud, but He has been there reassuring me with His presence and overwhelming me with peace.

Trust me.

I haven't forgotten you.

I am preparing you.

Wait for me.

Be still.

Listen.

Cease striving.

Trust me.

At the same time, I've been working to learn as much as I can about what it might look like to be a discipleship pastor.  Digging into the word.  Reading as much about discipleship and spiritual development as time allows.  Reading blogs upon blogs.  Getting involved in writing curriculum with a team of folks at my church.  Meeting with people from my church and from folks at other churches as well who can teach me about discipleship.  Spending a ton of time in prayer, and learning better to listen for the voice of the Spirit.  In short I am working like it depends on me, and praying like it depends on God -- because it does.  Period.

Last night I was at my community group, and we were praying for each other.  Though I've kept them in the loop as everything has happened, I asked last night that they would pray that I would have clear direction and that I would have wisdom in how I spend my time in this season of waiting and preparation for what's next.  They did pray for me, and I was encouraged.  Then my friend Linda got a word from the Spirit.

"The Lord has given you this dream -- you need to pursue discipleship."

She and others went on to pray that I would walk in faith like Abraham and Sarah, and that the Lord would fulfill His promises to me.  Most of them had no idea how significant that was, but this is something the Lord has been showing me and speaking to me since March.

And that was it.  I knew in my spirit that I had my answer.  Through Linda, the Lord had confirmed the direction I should go. I've had my yes on the table for awhile, letting the Lord know I would do whatever and go whichever direction He wanted me to go -- but I haven't known which direction that was.  I've been praying alone, with friends, and in community for six months or so that He would make His direction clear to me, but I just didn't have an answer.  I prayed and prayed and groaned and waited and was trusting the Lord He would make it clear in His timing.

And His timing was last night.  And His answer was to pursue discipleship.

And my answer to Him is yes, I will.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. ~ Philippians 3:7-8

So...what's next?

The word is out: I am not going up for tenure.  This means I have the option to be here one more year.  Honestly, I would not be surprised if this is my last year, though.  It is crazy.  It is sad.  But following the Lord isn't always easy, and I know for sure His plan is best -- even if I don't quite know what that plan is.

One of the parts about this that is hard is explaining what I'm doing to people -- particularly unbelievers.  Why am I not going up for tenure?

It's definitely not because I am afraid.

I am not afraid of this at all.  

God's power is made perfect in my weakness.

It's not because I don't want to stay here.

There are parts of the job that I don't like, but overall I enjoy it and want to stay here.  

I love Arkansas, I love IE, I love our students.  
Most of all, I want to see God move here.

I'm not going up for tenure because this is not what God has for me.

He wants me to give this up.

And while that's a little sad and not what I thought for a long time, He has made it clear: 

you're done here; this season is finished.

Not only do my unbelieving colleagues not understand this -- that this is not what God wants me to do -- this explanation begs an obvious question: so if God doesn't want you to go up for tenure, what does He want you to do instead?

To this I have to give an honest answer: I don't really know.  Unfortunately, the answer is not clear yet.  While I've applied for one program (which I am 100% sure the Lord wanted me to apply to), I won't find out about whether I am accepted until mid-June so there's definite uncertainty.  

Though the Lord hasn't made it clear what I will be doing, He has made several things clear...

He wants me to trust Him.  

He wants me to seek Him above answers.  

He will make this clear in His timing, not in mine.

He loves me, and has my best in mind.

He cares more about my character than my job.

He will provide.

He will speak to me, and show me what to do -- when it is time.

I really do believe that the Lord has shown me that I am in for an abrupt change in careers -- one that I did not expect, one that takes me 100% by surprise, and one that will use my natural wiring and spiritual gifts, but not my PhD or industrial engineering skills.  I also think He has shown me that I will need to learn to lean on Him and trust Him in a new way for my daily bread.  He has taught me to consider it all loss -- my six figure salary, my PhD, a fancy pants job -- for the surpassing worth of knowing and serving Jesus Christ my Lord.  And while that's uncomfortable and awkward, I lean in and believe He is going to work this together for my good, and He has a tremendous plan to use my life for His glory.  I will be excited to see what it is.  And, believe it or not, I am even getting excited to walk in it rather than being apprehensive or skeptical or afraid.

Game on.  Time to go all in.

Giving it all up

In the last few weeks, my life has changed like I never really thought it would.  I have been in graduate school pursuing a tenure track job or, after actually having the job, pursuing tenure for the last 11 years.  In the last month, my life has taken a hard left -- one that I didn't see coming, one that I didn't plan on or even think I wanted.

I am stepping off the tenure track and into an unknown future.  God is asking me to follow Him, and I am.

A few weeks ago, I felt God telling me to leave the profession of industrial engineering entirely.  

The profession I love.

The profession I've been learning about and/or teaching about for 15 years, nearly 50% of my life.

The only "real" job I've ever had.

God said to give it up.

I gulped hard and said -- "If you want me to, sure.  I want to follow you."

Over the course of the week, I felt like he was whispering to me saying, "I just wondered if you were willing."  I felt like I had a reprieve and that I could stay in industrial engineering.

But then, He called me to give up my job.  To give up my dream.  To take a paycut, and follow Him into an unknown future without a guaranteed job or security.  To leave the students and coworkers I've been praying for and investing in for six years.  And that is when it got hard.

To say, "Where you go I'll go!" is one thing.

To do it is something else.  And that involves risk, and a bit of trepidation. 

And if you loved what you've done, it involves sadness and grief.  But following God and walking in the path He has prepared for me is where the life is, and so it is where I choose to walk.

I have a job for 2013.  I don't anticipate knowing what I will do for awhile.  A sage friend told me to seek God above the answers, so that is what I am doing.  Wandering, seeking, and processing what has happened.

And at the core, this involves a gut-level trust that God's plan is better than my own and that He wants to get me where He wants me to go even worse than I want to get there.  Here's to what lies ahead--whatever that is.

Spiritual Warfare

Big things are happening.  Huge, actually.  It is crazy.

As big things are happening, I expect the spiritual warfare to pick up dramatically.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ~Ephesians 6:12

Satan is not happy that we have at least 10 new brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, just this last week.  But we have authority over him.  Not only that, we do not even need to be afraid of him!

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.  For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love ~ 1 John 4:18

Do not be afraid, for you will not be put to shame!

Do not be intimidated, for you will not be humiliated!

You will forget about the shame you experienced in your youth;

you will no longer remember the disgrace of your abandonment ~ Isaiah 54:4

No weapon forged to be used against you will succeed;

you will refute everyone who tries to accuse you.

This is what the lord will do for his servants --

I will vidicate them, says the LORD ~Isaiah 54:17

I repeat, be strong and brave!  Don't be afraid and don't panic,

for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all that you do. ~ Joshua 1:9

As this movement spreads and gains momentum, please pray against the attacks of the enemy. 

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one in the world. ~ 1 John 4:4

Pray also for unity and likemindedness among the workers.

I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought. ~1 Corinthians 1:10

God is able.  God is willing.  Why not ask him for help?  Expecting HUGE things.

If my people who are called by my name will pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear their voice from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. ~ 2 Chronicles 7:14

Big  HUGE things update

• Last week 10 students accepted Christ through Cru alone.  I am still on a high from that.

• Our church has 200 seats.  Second service, there were 272 people.  Altogether across three services, there were about 650 people (3 services, 200 chairs/service -- you do the math).  I am asking God to stir the hearts of all who were there to reach out to their individual spheres of influence to win people to Christ.

• Two students contacted me about three different faculty members that they had been praying for. I am believing God for a harvest among my colleagues.

• One of the most difficult folks I work with has a student who has committed to praying for him/her.  This student is in the inner circle with said colleague, which is by no means insignificant.

• I had a student reach out to me for help, telling me he struggled with alcohol and wanted to start going to church.  Wow.

• I have been praying about a ministry for graduate students for awhile now.  There is just a HUGE hole when it comes to reaching this incredibly unique, unministered to, strategic group on campus.  Last night things lined up to start a Bible study for graduate students.  Awesome!

Ten

Ten lives have been changed this week.

Ten students have accepted Christ.  

In one week.  

Through one ministry.  

On one campus.

I prayed for 10.  The organization's goal for the year was 50.  Last fall semester, there were 14 and that was a success.

This week -- one week -- there were 10.

Some people dismiss numbers -- but behind each number is a person, and a story and a life.  Please pray for each of our new brothers and sisters in Christ.  He who starts a good work is faithful to complete it (Phillipians 1:6).  We can rest in this promise.

Now praying for the tidal wave to spread.  Across organizations.  Across campus.  Across the SEC.  Across the country.  To the nations.

I am expecting big things.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.  ~ Ephesians 3:20-21

Acts

Yesterday, we had our first department prayer meeting -- basically, 2 staff members, me and 6 students all gathered to pray for big things we were believing God for.  It was awesome -- to reconnect with some students I already knew, to meet new students, and to hear what God is teaching them and what He's asking each of them to do.  It was so encouraging.  God is moving not only on campus in general, but in industrial engineering in particular.

Leading up to the meeting, I felt impressed that I should read Acts.  So I started it.

Man, Acts is intense!  God was really moving in that book.  It was incredible -- Pentecost, incredible healings, intense community, boldness in sharing the Gospel, intense persecution, blue collar men wowing judges with their ability to be great orators.  God was obviously behind it all.

It got me thinking.  Why are we settling for what we have now?  We are told

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. ~ Hebrews 13:8

Jesus gave His disciples all His authority to cast out demons and heal people (Matthew 10).  Jesus says all authority is His, and He will be with us until the end of the age -- that we should use that power to go make disciples (Matthew 28:18-20).  God says He has made us complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10).  Basically, God has given us the Holy Spirit's dunamis -- His miraculous power.  Why don't we use it?  Why do we pretend like it doesn't exist anymore?

As I was reading the first part of Acts, the following two passages just jumped off the page and into my spirit.

When the people heard [the Gospel], they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?" ~ Acts 2:37

Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness. ~ Acts 4:29.

I am praying that these things become a reality at the U of A.  I going to continue reading Acts, and praying for things that the early church experienced to be a reality in our movement at the U of A also.  It is fueling me to see what it could really look like if an entire group of people rose up and banded together for a common cause: the Gospel.  It is starting to happen already, and I believe it will continue to happen here at the University of Arkansas.  I am also praying this for my youth group girls and for my specific niches at U of A (my class, and my department).  I keep asking God not to let my view of what "big things" are be too limited.  He is the God of the impossible!!  Praying for an Acts 2.0 to happen on our campus.

Big things update -- Please continue to join us asking for God to move on campus and in NWA.  Here are some updates.

• Our prayer meeting yesterday was awesome.  There were 10 of us, and there are some really big things we are believing God for together -- specific people, the entire sophomore class in IE, pivotal leaders, students' careers.  It is exciting.  We are praying for each other.  God will answer us.
• As of yesterday, again just through Cru, there have been 9 students since school started that have accepted Christ.  I am praying for the tenth to happen today.  I believe she will come.  Please pray for her, whoever she is, whereever on campus she is, whatever she is struggling with.
• StuMo, one of the other big student ministries on campus, had about 700-800 students in their weekly meeting this week.   When we put the numbers of Cru and StuMo together, we see significant impact -- between 5-10% of undergraduates attended one meeting or the other.  That is incredible.  Praying for them to get involved in community there and to recruit others who do not know Christ.

Psalms

I struggle with depression.  I think my first big bout of it was after my dad's arrest when I was in college, when I came to realize that my entire upbringing was a facade and any claim to spiritual leadership that my father had over our family was an absolute farce.  For awhile, I could not do anything besides the absolute essentials -- get out of bed, go to class, do homework -- and even those essentials were hard.

When I moved to Arkansas, I had a rough transition.  I've written about this a bit on my other blog, but the bottom line is that depression is something that I have to be very careful to manage and that can immobilize me if I am not careful.  This summer, I had another bout of depression and was reminded anew just how much that can suck.

Depression is not something it is generally ok to speak about in Christian circles.  I mean, we have joy in Christ!  God will deliver us!  God is faithful!  He is awesome!  All true.

But also, we have an enemy is the prince of this world and who is actively seeking to steal, kill, and destroy us.  We are promised that in this world, we will have trouble.  Not to mention the whole biological basis for depression...

Anyhow, this summer I really came to appreciate the Psalms and their brutal honesty.  If you are discouraged or depressed, read Psalms.  They are balm to the soul.  David called it like he saw it.

How long, LORD?  Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me.

Look on me and answer, LORD my God!

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

and my enemy will say "I have over come him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.  ~ Psalm 13:1-4

David was a man after God's own heart.  It sure wasn't because he was perfect!  He committed adultery.  He had someone murdered to cover it up.  He certainly wasn't perfect raising his kids.  And as we see above, it wasn't because he proclaimed the rainbows and butterflies happiness that comes serving God all the time.  He admitted when life was hard.  He talked to God in a way that even appears sort of rude and whiny!

Despite all this, he was a man after God's own heart.  Why?

Because he was honest.  His emotional honesty was at the core of who he was, and it was brutal.

Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD; Lord hear my voice.

Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. ~ Psalms 130:1-2

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;

A broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. ~ Psalm 51:15

May those who seek my life be disgraced and put to shame;

may those who plot my ruin be turned back in dismay. ~ Psalm 35:4

David admitted when he was sad.  He didn't rationalize it.  He didn't question himself or God, but he said "Dude, this sucks."  He asked for help from God.  He admitted when he was wrong, and asked God's help in fixing his sin and cleansing him.  In short -- he took everything to God.  EVERYTHING.  The joy and happiness and praise, yes.  But the yuckiness, the sadness, the hurt, the anger, and the shame too.  He knew God knew anyway, and he talked it out with him. I came to really appreciate this this summer.

Why do we sanitize our prayers so much?  I mean, do we think God doesn't know how we feel?  Are we too prideful to admit to others we're struggling?  Do we think it is sinful to feel things if they're not G-rated?

God created emotion.  It is a gift.  Ignoring it or muting it won't cause it to go away.  In fact, pushing down emotion can cause things to fester and ultimately burst in a gross, big scene.  I've been working to follow David's lead more and be brutally honest with God.  Not only can he handle it, he desires our honesty.  He desires our whole hearts, even the broken, nasty, hurting parts.  He wants to expose the dark places in our hearts to His light.  Only when we have an accurate appraisal of the real state of our heart can it be molded into the kind of heart God wants us to have.

Though being honest with God is only one step to being a woman after God's own heart, it is something I have become very committed to.

Big things update

• Last night we had youth group.  The topic was radical obedience.  One student said with regards to the topic, "This is really resonating with me.  I know exactly what you are talking about."  She committed to work to be radically obedient by not being so "sharp" with her words at home. Another who rarely engages and who actively works to disengage even contributed to the conversation and committed to working to be radically obedient at school.  They are opening up and asking me good questions.  You can tell they think I know what I am talking about.  Huge answers to prayer.
• So far, just through Cru, 4 students have come to know Christ at the University of Arkansas.  I am praying for an average of three students/week.  Two were Razorback athletes.  Praying for a bumper crop this year!
• Last night, again just through Cru, 225 freshmen attended Bible studies.  Just freshmen.  That was one in 20 freshmen!  At one ministry!  Praying for other ministries on campus (StuMo, Navs, etc) to experience record success as well!
• After a dearth of input from older spiritual leaders in my life, a (new) friend has agreed to meet with me twice a month.  I am looking forward to this a lot, and am certain I will learn a lot from her.  Huge answer to prayer.

Expect big things

Sometimes, I feel the Holy Spirit whispering something to me over and over.  Often times I wonder if it's just me or my imagination -- "Is that something I want?  Or is that truly something the Holy Spirit is telling me?"  Usually I ask that if it is not of God that it go away.  If I feel like it keeps coming, I believe it's God trying to tell me something.

Leading up to the semester, I've felt God asking me to expect big things.  Over and over, again and again -- expect big things, expect big things, expect big things.

To ask for them.  

To believe that they will happen.  

To take risks for God.  

To believe He will deliver.  

To know He is bigger than my colleagues or my fears.  

To be still, and know He is God.  

To know He loves my unsaved friends, students, and colleagues more than I do.  

To know He is able.  

To believe He is willing.

Sunday I told Him, "Let's do this thing.  Use me however you would like.  I'm in.  I am expecting big things."

I am asking for Him to do big things in and through me.  I am excited to see how He delivers.

I am asking Him to use me in the lives of the girls in our youth group.  I am asking Him to use me to show them a fuller and clearer picture of who He is, and how to follow Him.  I am asking for a true sense of community among all girls in the group, and for us to be intentional about bringing the Gospel to people in our lives.  I am asking or us to be open and welcoming to new people.

I am asking Him to use me with my class.  There are 4 Iranians, 2 Turks, 3 Chinese students, and 2 Americans in my class -- only one knows Jesus.  I am asking for a chance to share the Gospel with all of them this semester to give them a chance to decide for themselves whether they will follow Jesus.  I am asking for all of them to say yes in their lifetimes.

A group of us at work (students, staff, hopefully a couple faculty) will be praying for our department.  I am asking God to use us in the lives of each other, and in changing our department.  I am asking for all of my faculty colleagues to come to know Jesus in their lifetimes, and for 5 to come this semester.  I am asking for the lives and hearts of the students in the department.  I am asking us to catalyze a change in the profession of industrial engineering.  I am asking industrial engineering to be a profession where the name of Jesus is known and proclaimed.

I am asking for God to use my church to reach this campus and this corner of the state.  I am asking God to help make the hearts of each person who attends the Grove willing and excited to do whatever He asks us, and for Him to reveal His plan for each of our lives.

I am asking for this to be the pivotal year at the University of Arkansas.  I am asking for an outpouring of the Spirit of the Lord here.  Last year as I was praying for the campus, I felt God whispering Matthew 5:14 to me -- "You are the light of the world.  A city on a hill that cannot be hidden."  I am praying this for the U of A: that we are a city on a hill that cannot be hidden, and that people would see Jesus through all of us at the U of A.  I would like all U of A students to know Jesus personally, and take Him with them when they graduate, and pursue graduate degrees and jobs throughout the nation and the world.

I am believing that God will use me to help graduate students know that they can pursue Jesus in the world of academia -- that they can share the love, hope, peace, and joy of Jesus in their careers and interactions with students as graduate students now and faculty members in the future.

I am believing He will change the lives of my brothers, and that they will do mighty things to advance the Kingdom of God on earth.

I am asking for Him to do big things in and through me.  I am excited to see how He delivers.  So far -- two days into school -- He has already begun to show me some fruit.  Last night, there were 700-800 students at the Cru meeting; that means 1 in 34 students on campus was at Cru.  I have been connected with a Christian graduate student in history who is pursuing her PhD when I wondered how God was going to connect me with the right grad students.  Last night we had our first HS small group.  I was expecting two girls to come, but I prayed for four; four came.  It was fun and everyone had a good time.

God is faithful.  God is ready to pour out His spirit.  He will answer us if we ask Him with pure motives.  I am praying that my motives are pure.  I am praying that God will expand my view of what it means to expect big things.  I am praying for Him to change me to be more like Him.  I am praying for my view of Him not to be too small.

I am expecting big things.  I am ready.  God is willing and for sure He is able.

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.  ~ Psalm 27:14.