I'm moving!

It's official.  I'm moving to Penn State!  I've accepted a job as an advisor and instructor -- something a bit different than my current role that will allow me to expand my skillset while playing to my strengths.  I am excited for the transition: to learn new things, to meet new people, and to see what God has in store for me in this new season.  I've prayed for change for three years, and now it is here (after two false alarms about jobs I was "sure I would get" - ha).  I can barely believe it.  I leave this Thursday.

This change also offers me some changes I've been praying for -- additional stability, empowerment, and the opportunity to buy a house.  I prayed for clarity: clear yeses and noes.  I don't think that could have been answered any better, and God has been in the details from the big to the small.  It has been so kind, and has spoken to my heart in such a tender way.  Three of my favorite examples of God stories are

• The house - I prayed for the right place to live: one that would be convenient to campus, good for entertaining, and a place of peaceful sanctuary for me and others.  The house I bought was perfect, in my price range, and only on the market for 8 hours.  The way I got it was such a God story, and I am grateful.  I really feel like the Lord set it aside just for me.  I am excited to see the way He works in that house.

• A gig - There was some rockiness to the way my position ended.  In the end, I was asked to write a report that expounded on some ideas I had at work.  This gig not only allowed me to keep my benefits for the summer, it also pays me enough to buy a new washer dryer!  In a season where I am writing checks all the time and draining my savings to buy a house, this is no small thing.  Additionally, it provided me a little external validation that I have good ideas - something I hadn't felt in awhile.

• The washer/dryer - I had been watching sales on washers and dryers since I didn't want to pay full price.  I called my realtor to see if I had a gas or electric dryer hookup (I didn't remember).  He called me the next day and explained that he had a client who already had appliances who had just purchased a high end home that came with a washer/dryer.  He asked if I would be interested in purchasing the old washer/dryer - for $200!  What a gift.

As excited as I am for the change, Arkansas has been my home for the last nine years.  I've made a tremendous set of friends who have become like family.  I loved my job and the students I got to meet as part of it.  I experienced the dark night of my soul here and had to figure out who I was and what I valued -- and I came out on the other side.  I am a gentler, more balanced, more confident, and overall better friend, co-worker, and teacher than I was when I moved here.  Although I am sad to leave Northwest Arkansas, the people I met and experiences I had here fundamentally changed me and will always be a part of who I am.  I am forever grateful for that.

Adventure: it is exciting, and it is scary.  And it is happening.

Another Year is in the Books

This is my second year in a non-tenure-track job, which has allowed me to enjoy a nine month schedule.  This means I have summers to do with as I please.  The pay cut is SO WORTH IT.

For the last two years, around spring break I get the itch and am like "OMG PLEASE MERCIFUL GOD LET SUMMER BE HERE TODAY."  I've limped and hobbled across the finish line to summer each of the last two years.  I sleep for about a week after school is out.  Then I read, go outside, and spend the days cooking, minding my plants, reading, and spending times with friends.

This year feels a lot different.  As I feel like transition is impending (even with no real idea what that will look like), the end of the school year feels sad and bittersweet.  I am sad to leave the students I enjoy, the place that I've had to answer tough questions, and the environment where I really learned who I was and what I value.  I leave this school year uncertain whether I'll be back in the fall.  It is sad, and I am most assuredly grateful for this place and this season.

I'm not sure what will happen next, but I am glad to finally feel like I have found my calling in life: loving, serving, and educating students who are navigating a critical season in their lives.  What an honor it has been to have worked here.

The Last Year

Today in the car I was thinking, "Wow, I think it's been a year since my life plan was derailed."  I looked at my calendar and, sure enough, it has been.

On February 27, 2013 I went to lunch with my boss, Kim. She is so supportive, and one of the ways it plays out is that she proactively schedules lunch with all of the assistant professors each semester.  While the lunches are great and my boss is even better, these lunches are nerve wracking and somewhat awkward in that I never know what direction the conversation will go.  I always pray in advance of these meetings, asking the Lord to direct our conversation.

At my lunch last February, the talk was serious: we were discussing strategy putting my tenure and promotion package together.  That I would go up for tenure was a foregone conclusion in my mind -- it was the obvious next step, and not really a question.  Whether I would get tenure or not was a question, but I always assumed I would at least try and then the Lord would direct the process from there.

At that lunch in February, Kim insinuated that I should really think about whether or not I even wanted tenure and let that inform whether I should go up for tenure.  I remember being insulted.  Subsequently Kim asked, "Well Sarah, what is it that you really like to do?"

I remember clearly that I had read James that morning.  The verse about asking God for wisdom and the Lord giving it freely and generously came to mind (James 1:5), so I asked the Lord what to say?  I distinctly remember Him telling me to be honest with Kim.  I thought "OMG nothing good can come of that -- the parts of my job that I like the least are the parts that are valued most in the tenure and promotion process and the parts of the job that I like most are valued the least!  I cannot tell Kim that!"  I felt the Lord again tell me, "Be honest with her."

I swallowed hard and obeyed.  I told her how much I liked teaching and advising undergraduate students, and how little I liked securing research funding and managing research.

Kim was supportive.  She listened, and told me I really had to think about what I wanted out of life.  Her question about what I wanted to do launched me on a month of thinking, praying, seeking counsel from anyone and everyone I respected.  And, ultimately, I felt the Lord's leading not to go up for tenure.

This surprised me.  This had been my plan all along, and something I'd been working toward since I graduated from college -- going to grad school to get a PhD, getting a PhD so I could get a tenure track job, getting a tenure track job so I could have job security and teach college kids forever!  This was my plan, and now it was over.  Poof.  Goodbye life plan.  Hello uncertainty, waiting, and the unknown.

Honestly, this is all still very tough.  I never would have imagined a year later, I still wouldn't have a life plan.  I am sad to leave a job that I have enjoyed, that amply provided for me, and that I have had a chance to make (at least a little bit of) a difference doing.  I have loved working with students, and I like my coworkers and will miss working with them.   I long for them to serve Jesus.  I have seen God's favor and blessing on my work here.  And I am going to miss that.  I also miss (the illusion of) feeling like I know where my life is going.

But as much as I am going to miss that, I know that the Lord is leading me elsewhere for the next season.  I don't know where that will be or what I'll be doing, but I trust Him and know that He will reveal that to me in His timing.  I can't believe this all started a year ago and I still don't know what is next.  What a wild ride this has all been.

And I'm sure the next season will be a wild ride too.  Serving Jesus is always an adventure.

Spray Paint

Anyone who has known me in the past two years knows I like to spray paint.  And by "like to spray paint" I mean "am obsessed with spray painting".  Now I could spend this entire blog post telling you why spray paint is so amazing -- how it's cheap, how it can completely make something over in a matter of minutes, how it can breathe life into something old and gross and make it look cute and modern -- but that's not really where I'm going with this.

I've written about DC before, and how much I learned from the kind, generous people of NCC.  One of the coolest things to happen on the trip, though, I haven't written about.

On my last day, I had a meeting with someone I've looked up to forever.  It was good, but not at all what I expected.  At the conclusion of the meeting, the person I'd met with reunited me with Maegan, my hostess for the trip.  "She's probably out back spray painting something," the person I'd met with said offhandedly.

SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR.

In addition to being kind, helpful, wise, and just generally awesome and easy to talk to, Maegan also likes to spray paint?!?!  And that's when I knew for sure that God was in this relationship.

No, really, I do mean that.

It amazes me that out of all the things God did on that trip both big and small, that spray painting matters to Him.  Not so much the act of spray painting or the glories of spray painting (though they are many), but that He cares about the details of our lives enough to care about putting two women together who would connect on something like that.  We weren't there to talk about crafts or ourselves, yet the Lord knew what He was doing and HE was the one who arranged to have it brought up.  Out of all of the random things in our lives that we didn't talk about, God knew we would connect on the issue of spray painting, so He saw to it that that was brought up naturally in conversation.

It boggles my mind.  What a caring God who is in the details.  I love that about Him -- that He connected a Pacific-northwesterner-relocated-to-the-east-coast-social-justice-advocate-and-budget-fashionista-turned-discipleship-professional with a midwesterner-relocated-to-the-south-engineering-professor-doing-who-knows-what-with-her-life in the context of learning discipleship over something trivial yet incredible: spray paint.  (Whew, that was a sentence!)

I think that is awesome.  And I am grateful for spray paint (duh), for my friend Maegan (she's awesome), and for a loving, caring God who knows that spray paint is the way to my heart.  He worked with that to help me make a new friend.

So cool.   One more thing I love about our God who is in the details -- even the trivial ones like spray painting.

2013

As an INTJ, I love reflecting.  I love thinking about things, connecting the dots, and being able to summarize them nicely.  But how is that possible with 2013?  I can't see that it is, but here's my best shot.

I began 2013 with a life plan: I was a professor, and I loved teaching students.  "I'm doing good things for the Kingdom," I thought.  I was making a difference.  I was making good money and giving a bunch of it away.  God was blessing me.

Then in the middle of the year, I felt God asking me to essentially quit my job by not going up for tenure.  I could't believe it!   I wondered, "What about that life plan I had?  What about the good things I'm doing to advance your kingdom in academia and in industrial engineering?"  But I did it: I essentially quit my job effective on or before May 2014.

Goodbye lifeplan.

I felt God's leading to apply to the Protege Program -- a leadership and character development program through a church in DC.  I felt God whispering to me, "Discipleship pastor."  I really wasn't sure what a discipleship pastor is or what one does -- but I was like, "Hmm ok!  I'm probably supposed to participate in this program and find out!"

Except I wasn't accepted into the program, and I learned I'd be in Fayetteville for another year.  Fall semester was one of the two craziest if not THE craziest of the 55 semesters I've had since I started kindergarden in the mid 80s.  Challenging on every level -- professional, personal, emotional, family.  Just hard.  But God was with me.  He sustained me, He spoke to me, and He made it clear that -- even though I don't know the plan -- He is actively working on my behalf and going before me.  And I am grateful for that.

So what did I learn in 2013?  I learned to obey and I learned that the joy of the Lord really is my strength.  I learned that God doesn't need me (or anyone else) -- that He chooses to use us, but that He ultimately is the one who brings the increase and that none of us are indispensable to plan.  I learned that -- even though it doesn't make sense to me -- that the complete demolition of my engineering career and professor gig was all part of God's plan for me.   He's showing me that leaving my job isn't a backup plan, but that this was in His plan all along.

I am learning to count it all loss for the surpassing value of knowing Jesus Christ, my Lord.

What does 2014 hold?  I have absolutely no idea.  But I know who holds 2014 so I am not all that worried.  I'm ready to embrace it and to see what God has for me this year.

Epic Summer of Memories

At the beginning of the summer, I thought for sure I was leaving.  I had applied for the Protege program, I had sensed that my chapter at the U of A was finishing and I thought it was time for me to peace out of Fayetteville.  Turned out that was wrong, but I decided at the beginning of the summer that the summer would be epic.  I worked to live with intentionality, and I had the best summer I can remember.

It began innocently enough.  One day after work my friend Emily came over to borrow a movie, and long story short we ended up going to a weekday, 10 PM movie -- way past either of our normal bedtimes and way outside the normal boundaries we've constructed to make sure we get enough sleep and function like normal adults.  We chugged coffee and off we went.  That evening was so much fun, and the summer was given a name that stuck:

THE EPIC SUMMER OF MEMORIES

I worked to live each day with intention.  I wasn't sure how long I'd be in Fayetteville, so I tried to make memories every day -- I did fun things with my some of my favorite people.  It was awesome.  Here were some of the highlights:

• Cameron and I beat Super Mario Brothers.
• I went to see the Cooper and Thorncrown Chapels designed by Faye Jones, and spent time with Jesus there.
• Emily and I watched the first several seasons of the Office together.
• Anna and I had an epic day in which we went all over Fayetteville, went for a walk in the historic district, got ice cream, and watched the sunset over Mt. Sequoia.  And harassed Cameron at Mama Carmen's.
• Katie showed me around Branson, gave me a glimpse into her life on summer project, and took me to Whitewater.
• I got to shoot off fireworks at Rick and Julie's house for the first time in my life with a good chunk of our community group.  It was 75ish on July 4th in Arkansas -- such an idyllic setting, even if I had gotten into a wreck on the way out to their house.  But then the cop who had helped me at the scene of the wreck came out and crashed our party.  Amazing.
• Cameron and I made canolis.  From scratch.  For real.
• Randi and Lloyd held a crawfish boil for me.  It was awesome -- my first one, and held in my honor.
• Lauren, Hunter, and I had the most epic group text with so many memes, GIFs, and amazing Buzzfeed links.
• Hunter showed me how to send a GIF via text -- game changer.  He and I also hung out a ton this summer, including that one time we played Mario during a tornado warning....
• Austin and I went to the Tulsa Zoo and the Oklahoma aquarium.  I got introduced to the Strickland Zoo (aka, their five dogs).
• The Grove opened its new building, and I helped Gennie to paint her mural in one of the kids rooms and led a cleaning crew before the grand opening.
• Gennie, Ashley, Meredith and I hung out at the pool together a ton, usually with Justus, Kaleb, and Drew.
• Meredith and Ashley threw me the most epic birthday party at ChaCha and Pop's house with the coolest cake I've ever seen (RAINBOW!!!).  We decided that for my 35th birthday next year, I need to have a Glamour Shots party.  Um, winning!
• Hunter introduced me to Parks and Rec, and I watched all of it.
• I read a ton.
• Katie and I spent a great last week as roommates together, culminating with our last roommate outing exploring Cooper Chapel and enjoying the sunset on Mt. Sequoia.
• Hunter introduced me to the rock on top of Mission Hill.  We went and watched the supermoon, and talked until 1:30 AM.  (The bedtime thing started becoming more flexible as the summer wore on...)
• Gennie and I sat on her porch and talked a bunch, and pushed Drew in the swing.  It was so chill and fun.
• Whitney and I spent Wednesdays in Bentonville, doing fun Bentonville things.
• Hunter applied to tons of med schools, and I helped with many of his essays.
• I went to Crystal Bridges several times.  I got to see the Norman Rockwell exhibit, which was fun.
• Emily and I spent a lot of time together.  She began sharing with me how significant she thought my name is, and was one of the first in a long line of people to remind me of the promises given to Abraham and Sarah.  These are promises I now cling to daily.
• I spent the occasional introvert Sunday at St. Catherine's at Bell Gable.  Gorgeous.
• Daisha gave me vocab lessons.
• Mollie and Lindsey and I became pen pals.  This is my favorite thing ever.  Letters (and cheese) are my love language.
• I finished my promise book, where I read through the entire Bible and wrote out in a journal all of the promises that it contained.

These are just things that pop to mind immediately.  There were so many more.  At the beginning of the summer, the Office finale was on and Andy said, "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."  When I heard this, I felt the Lord say -- "These are the good old days, right now.  Enjoy them."

And I did.  This summer, the Lord taught me a lot about making the most of every single day, enjoying simple pleasures with great friends, and being thankful.  This summer -- which was incredibly epic -- I didn't go on vacation or spend a ton of money, but it was filled with some of the best memories I've made with friends.  I am so grateful, and it definitely won't be one that I forget anytime soon.