2013

As an INTJ, I love reflecting.  I love thinking about things, connecting the dots, and being able to summarize them nicely.  But how is that possible with 2013?  I can't see that it is, but here's my best shot.

I began 2013 with a life plan: I was a professor, and I loved teaching students.  "I'm doing good things for the Kingdom," I thought.  I was making a difference.  I was making good money and giving a bunch of it away.  God was blessing me.

Then in the middle of the year, I felt God asking me to essentially quit my job by not going up for tenure.  I could't believe it!   I wondered, "What about that life plan I had?  What about the good things I'm doing to advance your kingdom in academia and in industrial engineering?"  But I did it: I essentially quit my job effective on or before May 2014.

Goodbye lifeplan.

I felt God's leading to apply to the Protege Program -- a leadership and character development program through a church in DC.  I felt God whispering to me, "Discipleship pastor."  I really wasn't sure what a discipleship pastor is or what one does -- but I was like, "Hmm ok!  I'm probably supposed to participate in this program and find out!"

Except I wasn't accepted into the program, and I learned I'd be in Fayetteville for another year.  Fall semester was one of the two craziest if not THE craziest of the 55 semesters I've had since I started kindergarden in the mid 80s.  Challenging on every level -- professional, personal, emotional, family.  Just hard.  But God was with me.  He sustained me, He spoke to me, and He made it clear that -- even though I don't know the plan -- He is actively working on my behalf and going before me.  And I am grateful for that.

So what did I learn in 2013?  I learned to obey and I learned that the joy of the Lord really is my strength.  I learned that God doesn't need me (or anyone else) -- that He chooses to use us, but that He ultimately is the one who brings the increase and that none of us are indispensable to plan.  I learned that -- even though it doesn't make sense to me -- that the complete demolition of my engineering career and professor gig was all part of God's plan for me.   He's showing me that leaving my job isn't a backup plan, but that this was in His plan all along.

I am learning to count it all loss for the surpassing value of knowing Jesus Christ, my Lord.

What does 2014 hold?  I have absolutely no idea.  But I know who holds 2014 so I am not all that worried.  I'm ready to embrace it and to see what God has for me this year.