Character building

For the couple months, I have felt God telling me, "I don't care about your job.  I don't care about your earning potential.  I care about your character."

And, in my infinite wisdom, I figured that I probably knew what that meant: that I would leave my current job with a generous salary and benefits for a formalized leadership and character development program with a zero figure salary and no benefits.

But then, I didn't get accepted to the program I had applied for.

And then a couple days later the living situation that just sounded so right and so God-orchestraed fell through, leaving me without a plan for when our lease ends at the end of the month.

And then yesterday I got into an accident and messed up my car past the point that it is drivable.

So yeah, I have basically no idea what's going on with my life or where it's headed.  Anything I feel like I have figured by myself or tried lately has proven to be wrong or hasn't panned out.  Not a great feeling, really.

God had been prompting me to pray for patience.  I have done so with great reluctance because I've heard what happens when you pray for patience: that you are stuck in situations that build patience.  Those tend to be unpleasant situations that, given the choice, you'd rather avoid.

Check - it's been a hell of a week.

But, despite the crazy turn of events, I know God is with me in these situations.  He has not left me alone: I have a tremendous support network of friends who have given me rides and offered me a place to stay if I need it.  He kept me safe during the car accident, and the people in the other car too.  I have material resources so I can find a place to live or get a new car if I need to.  I have a job so I can support myself; one that I love and that I think has the potential for God to use me to make a difference.

But most of all, I have a God who loves me and is with me, watching over all of this.

He tells me He is not unable to sympathize with our weaknesses and the crap life doles out sometimes. (Hebrews 4:15) 

He tells us He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)

He tells us that He is groaning in prayer on behalf of us. (Romans 8:26)

He tells us that He has overcome the world, and all the associated adversity. (John 16:33).

He promises that he will wipe every tear from our eye, and eventually the pain and death in this broken world will stop. (Revelation 21:4)

And most of all He tells us -- and me personally -- that He is enough and that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).  And I just need to be patient and trust that.  I'm learning how; He is teaching me and building my character, slowly but surely.