These last few months I have really wanted more than ever to hear from the Lord. The Lord has really met me there, through prophecies at IHOP, through friends with words of affirmation and prophecy over me, and in my own practice of daily meditative journaling. It has been both a time of encouragement, and of enlarging my vision and I am grateful for that.
One of the things that has been interesting is how the Lord has been using prophetic words others have spoken to me to confirm things that He has told me directly. That has been great.
Also I feel like the Lord has given me new things to think about and pray about as a result of the prophecies that have been spoken over me too. One of the most interesting things that I felt like the Lord told happened last night through a dude I'd never met named Travis.
"It's not that you're more equipped or better able to things than others, it's that you're more willing."
Wow. Game changer. He went on to talk about my openness to the things of the Lord. That was hugely encouraging to me. That truly is what I do desire. I just want to do what the Lord wants me to -- nothing more, nothing less.
I love how God has shown me how I've really grown up overcomplicating and over thinking things. All I really need to do is listen do God and do what he says. Nothing more, nothing less. He will reveal the way for me and make my path straight. I just need to walk in them.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Courage and Waiting patiently for the Lord
I've been listening to the Psalms as I fall asleep for the last week or so. I love it. Last night Psalm 27:14 jumped out at me.
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.
It is incredibly comforting to me to know that waiting takes courage. Prior to the last year, I would have said that waiting would be a time of rest or a time to just chill and relax. However I'd now acknowledge how difficult it is. This year of waiting for the Lord to direct me to whatever is next in my job, life, and profession has been hard. I've been tempted to jump the gun or to hustle to make things happen -- but the Lord has been clear to tell me that I need to just be quiet, to listen for His voice, and to trust Him. Basically, to wait patiently for the Lord like it says in this Psalm.
And it has required bravery and courage to stare down uncertainty and unemployment and finite resources and closed doors to say, "I trust God more than I trust in these circumstances." It is nice to feel acknowledged and validated in that -- to know that waiting takes bravery and courage, and not just time and patience. I will wait patiently for the Lord -- bravely and courageously. He will reveal what is next in His perfect timing. In the meantime He will develop not only patience in me, but bravery and courage as well. And that is awesome.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Biblical Literacy
I've read through the Bible in its entirety two or three times now. Not incredible, but also not terrible as far as a life accomplishment for my age. Even though I've read it a couple times, however, I'd say my Biblical literacy is not high -- not at all. I attribute a lot of that to poor reading comprehension. I also attribute a lot of it to just wanting to make it through whatever arbitrary checkpoint I've established within a time frame (e.g., read these 4 chapters today so you can make it through the Bible in a year). Under that model, at least for me, a lot of what I'm reading starts to run together.
This summer, I was very convicted when a friend of mine listed off five or ten not terribly challenging questions that were maybe on par with a B+/A- level of Biblical literacy. For example, what were the main purposes behind each of the four gospels? Could you pick five of the minor prophets and explain their themes? I realized that I would have gotten about a 50% on his quiz and was immediately convicted (and sort of embarrassed).
While I can adequately tell many of the stories in the Bible -- especially those of Jesus shared in the Gospels -- and could quote a lot of scripture from the Bible, I'm afraid I've missed the overarching themes and a whole lot of what the prophets had to say. I also haven't appreciated the motivations and intentions behind many of the authors.
This year to help fill in the gaps, I've been reading What the Bible is All About in conjunction with reading the Bible everyday. It is helping me to understand what I'm reading a lot more. I'm also using the audio part of the YouVersion app that allows me to both read and hear what I'm reading at the same time. All of this is really helping me to understand what I'm reading a lot better. I am halfway through the minor prophets at this point and I am appreciating what I've read a lot more. I am praying that the Lord really does help me to better grasp what I am reading rather than just viewing Bible reading as something to knock off of a list.
This year I feel like the Lord wants me to learn about HIM -- who He is, His character, how to trust Him -- instead of taking an intellectual, theoretical approach to God like I did growing up and in college. However, I believe that growing in Bible literacy will be an important component to being able to better understand the person and character of God, and I pray He will speak to me through the word. Another important aspect of development that the Lord is helping me with this year.
This summer, I was very convicted when a friend of mine listed off five or ten not terribly challenging questions that were maybe on par with a B+/A- level of Biblical literacy. For example, what were the main purposes behind each of the four gospels? Could you pick five of the minor prophets and explain their themes? I realized that I would have gotten about a 50% on his quiz and was immediately convicted (and sort of embarrassed).
While I can adequately tell many of the stories in the Bible -- especially those of Jesus shared in the Gospels -- and could quote a lot of scripture from the Bible, I'm afraid I've missed the overarching themes and a whole lot of what the prophets had to say. I also haven't appreciated the motivations and intentions behind many of the authors.
This year to help fill in the gaps, I've been reading What the Bible is All About in conjunction with reading the Bible everyday. It is helping me to understand what I'm reading a lot more. I'm also using the audio part of the YouVersion app that allows me to both read and hear what I'm reading at the same time. All of this is really helping me to understand what I'm reading a lot better. I am halfway through the minor prophets at this point and I am appreciating what I've read a lot more. I am praying that the Lord really does help me to better grasp what I am reading rather than just viewing Bible reading as something to knock off of a list.
This year I feel like the Lord wants me to learn about HIM -- who He is, His character, how to trust Him -- instead of taking an intellectual, theoretical approach to God like I did growing up and in college. However, I believe that growing in Bible literacy will be an important component to being able to better understand the person and character of God, and I pray He will speak to me through the word. Another important aspect of development that the Lord is helping me with this year.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Insecurity
In general, I would say that I have a pretty healthy sense of confidence. In fact, if I'm not careful this confidence gets out of control and bubbles up into pride, and that's not any good for anyone. But, in general, no self esteem issues for this girl.
I'll tell you what, though, the uncertainty of what's going to happen next in my life has really thrown me for a loop. It has also brought insecurities to the surface that I didn't know were there. When other people are doing jobs I think I'd be better at, I find myself judging them. When other people get good news that I think I could have benefitted from, I find myself jealous instead of being able to celebrate with them. I find myself seeking out certain people's blog posts or social media postings sometimes so I can read them, judge them, and feel better than them.
What is wrong with me?!?
As I think about it and pray that the Lord removes this ugliness from me, I am forced with the truth: these are all insecurities and fear surfacing in my life. I am wanting to walk in the plans that the Lord has for other people since those paths are known and relatively certain rather than waiting for the Lord to reveal the plans He has for my life. I find myself wanting to find value in my talents and abilities to perform relative to other people rather than finding my value in the way God has made me, and appreciating the way God has made everyone else. That's not good. And that has to change.
Going to have to turn that over to the Lord and trust Him help me walk in my identity in Him. I want to celebrate and help others walk in the giftings, personalities, and successes the Lord has given them; I don't want to tear them down or not appreciate them. To do that, though, I need to be rock-solid-secure in my identity in Christ -- the way He has (and hasn't) made me and the fact that my value comes from Him alone, not in what I can (or can't) do, especially relative to other people.
I'll tell you what, though, the uncertainty of what's going to happen next in my life has really thrown me for a loop. It has also brought insecurities to the surface that I didn't know were there. When other people are doing jobs I think I'd be better at, I find myself judging them. When other people get good news that I think I could have benefitted from, I find myself jealous instead of being able to celebrate with them. I find myself seeking out certain people's blog posts or social media postings sometimes so I can read them, judge them, and feel better than them.
What is wrong with me?!?
As I think about it and pray that the Lord removes this ugliness from me, I am forced with the truth: these are all insecurities and fear surfacing in my life. I am wanting to walk in the plans that the Lord has for other people since those paths are known and relatively certain rather than waiting for the Lord to reveal the plans He has for my life. I find myself wanting to find value in my talents and abilities to perform relative to other people rather than finding my value in the way God has made me, and appreciating the way God has made everyone else. That's not good. And that has to change.
Going to have to turn that over to the Lord and trust Him help me walk in my identity in Him. I want to celebrate and help others walk in the giftings, personalities, and successes the Lord has given them; I don't want to tear them down or not appreciate them. To do that, though, I need to be rock-solid-secure in my identity in Christ -- the way He has (and hasn't) made me and the fact that my value comes from Him alone, not in what I can (or can't) do, especially relative to other people.
Monday, January 6, 2014
Spray Paint
Anyone who has known me in the past two years knows I like to spray paint. And by "like to spray paint" I mean "am obsessed with spray painting". Now I could spend this entire blog post telling you why spray paint is so amazing -- how it's cheap, how it can completely make something over in a matter of minutes, how it can breathe life into something old and gross and make it look cute and modern -- but that's not really where I'm going with this.
I've written about DC before, and how much I learned from the kind, generous people of NCC. One of the coolest things to happen on the trip, though, I haven't written about.
On my last day, I had a meeting with someone I've looked up to forever. It was good, but not at all what I expected. At the conclusion of the meeting, the person I'd met with reunited me with Maegan, my hostess for the trip. "She's probably out back spray painting something," the person I'd met with said offhandedly.
SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR.
In addition to being kind, helpful, wise, and just generally awesome and easy to talk to, Maegan also likes to spray paint?!?! And that's when I knew for sure that God was in this relationship.
No, really, I do mean that.
It amazes me that out of all the things God did on that trip both big and small, that spray painting matters to Him. Not so much the act of spray painting or the glories of spray painting (though they are many), but that He cares about the details of our lives enough to care about putting two women together who would connect on something like that. We weren't there to talk about crafts or ourselves, yet the Lord knew what He was doing and HE was the one who arranged to have it brought up. Out of all of the random things in our lives that we didn't talk about, God knew we would connect on the issue of spray painting, so He saw to it that that was brought up naturally in conversation.
It boggles my mind. What a caring God who is in the details. I love that about Him -- that He connected a Pacific-northwesterner-relocated-to-the-east-coast-social-justice-advocate-and-budget-fashionista-turned-discipleship-professional with a midwesterner-relocated-to-the-south-engineering-professor-doing-who-knows-what-with-her-life in the context of learning discipleship over something trivial yet incredible: spray paint. (Whew, that was a sentence!)
I think that is awesome. And I am grateful for spray paint (duh), for my friend Maegan (she's awesome), and for a loving, caring God who knows that spray paint is the way to my heart. He worked with that to help me make a new friend.
So cool. One more thing I love about our God who is in the details -- even the trivial ones like spray painting.
I've written about DC before, and how much I learned from the kind, generous people of NCC. One of the coolest things to happen on the trip, though, I haven't written about.
On my last day, I had a meeting with someone I've looked up to forever. It was good, but not at all what I expected. At the conclusion of the meeting, the person I'd met with reunited me with Maegan, my hostess for the trip. "She's probably out back spray painting something," the person I'd met with said offhandedly.
SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR.
In addition to being kind, helpful, wise, and just generally awesome and easy to talk to, Maegan also likes to spray paint?!?! And that's when I knew for sure that God was in this relationship.
No, really, I do mean that.
It amazes me that out of all the things God did on that trip both big and small, that spray painting matters to Him. Not so much the act of spray painting or the glories of spray painting (though they are many), but that He cares about the details of our lives enough to care about putting two women together who would connect on something like that. We weren't there to talk about crafts or ourselves, yet the Lord knew what He was doing and HE was the one who arranged to have it brought up. Out of all of the random things in our lives that we didn't talk about, God knew we would connect on the issue of spray painting, so He saw to it that that was brought up naturally in conversation.
It boggles my mind. What a caring God who is in the details. I love that about Him -- that He connected a Pacific-northwesterner-relocated-to-the-east-coast-social-justice-advocate-and-budget-fashionista-turned-discipleship-professional with a midwesterner-relocated-to-the-south-engineering-professor-doing-who-knows-what-with-her-life in the context of learning discipleship over something trivial yet incredible: spray paint. (Whew, that was a sentence!)
I think that is awesome. And I am grateful for spray paint (duh), for my friend Maegan (she's awesome), and for a loving, caring God who knows that spray paint is the way to my heart. He worked with that to help me make a new friend.
So cool. One more thing I love about our God who is in the details -- even the trivial ones like spray painting.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014: The Year of Trust
I've never been big on making New Year's Resolutions. However, I'm a fan of the idea of strategically selecting one word and letting that word frame your year (more about the idea on this site). A week or two ago, I felt like the Lord was telling me I needed to do this.
Just as quickly, I felt Him telling me that my word for 2014 needed to be trust. So, this year I am focusing on learning to trust the Lord. I don't know exactly what that will look like, but I trust that the Lord will reveal what it means and will look like to trust Him (that got a little meta for a hot second...).
You're supposed to pick a verse to help you frame your year with one word that reinforces the theme. I felt immediately drawn to Phillipians 2:13, so this is my primary verse for this year.
I just need to trust the truth of this passage, and not doubt its reality in my life. Here's to 2014 -- I know that the Lord will really teach me about trust this year. Although my tendency when I think about that is to tense up and fear the process a little bit -- sort of like I did with development -- the Lord has shown me that I need not fear the process. I can trust and not be afraid like it says in Isaiah 12:2, so that is my plan.
Just as quickly, I felt Him telling me that my word for 2014 needed to be trust. So, this year I am focusing on learning to trust the Lord. I don't know exactly what that will look like, but I trust that the Lord will reveal what it means and will look like to trust Him (that got a little meta for a hot second...).
I will trust the Lord with His plans for my career.
I will trust the Lord with all of the resources He has blessed me with.
I will trust the Lord to bring me into a relationship with the right people at the right time.
I will trust the Lord above having a plan.
I will trust the Lord will reveal to me what I need to trust Him with, and what that looks like.
You're supposed to pick a verse to help you frame your year with one word that reinforces the theme. I felt immediately drawn to Phillipians 2:13, so this is my primary verse for this year.
God is at work in your life, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him.
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
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