The day I told my ex-boss about the Great Commission

Life's been crazy with all the transition that is going on in and around the department where I work.  Because it looks as though we will be extremely short-staffed for the upcoming year, I've been offered the opportunity to stay and teach for one year.  There was some uncertainty there for awhile, but it looks like it's going to really happen.

Crazy.

Today, my ex-boss -- newly promoted to a higher position -- and I had lunch.  While part of the conversations turned to the whens and whats and how muchs of what I would be doing, my ex-boss Kim was very concerned about what would happen next and what my plans were beyond teaching in our department for a year.

The real answer is that I've basically chucked any (faulty) notion of a life plan that I used to have, and that I'm willing to do anything that the Lord wants me to do.  I feel like the Lord is calling me to the area of discipleship, but I'm not sure what that looks like vocationally and how that would play out.  And while I had prayed a lot in advance about this meeting, I wasn't quite sure how to say all of this in an honest yet understandable and credible way to my non-believing ex-boss.

To my surprise, I explained to her that I believe that God still speaks to people and that He was probably going to have me to something with discipleship.  I explained that I felt like He had given me a passion to help people learn about Jesus, and become followers of Him.  I explained that I was interested in helping Christian students learn how to become followers of Jesus and navigate the transition from Christian-in-college-with-so-much-time-and-friends-and-Jesus to all-by-myself-working-professionals-who-still-follow-Jesus.  I explained that the last thing Jesus said before He left earth is that we are supposed to help people learn to follow Jesus and become disciples of Him.  Yes, I basically explained the Great Commission during lunch to my non-believing ex-boss.

I couldn't believe it.  I sort of still can't.  Yet she seemed interested and engaged, and to receive it well.

One of my favorite verses in Acts (4:29) is when the believers pray, "Consider their threats, and enable your servants to speak with great boldness."  It's like I had my own 2014 Holy Spirit filled version of this transpire right in the middle of my favorite grilled cheese restaurant.

I expectantly believe that my conversation with Kim went exactly as it was supposed to.  I am believing that the Holy Spirit will use the words He gave me to at least plant a seed.  I want to be somewhere in the "I planted, Apollos watered" chain, and to be faithful to exactly what the Lord wanted me to say.  I am trusting that God will be the one to bring the increase.  After all, only He can do it, and He is well able. May He alone receive the glory.

Spray Paint

Anyone who has known me in the past two years knows I like to spray paint.  And by "like to spray paint" I mean "am obsessed with spray painting".  Now I could spend this entire blog post telling you why spray paint is so amazing -- how it's cheap, how it can completely make something over in a matter of minutes, how it can breathe life into something old and gross and make it look cute and modern -- but that's not really where I'm going with this.

I've written about DC before, and how much I learned from the kind, generous people of NCC.  One of the coolest things to happen on the trip, though, I haven't written about.

On my last day, I had a meeting with someone I've looked up to forever.  It was good, but not at all what I expected.  At the conclusion of the meeting, the person I'd met with reunited me with Maegan, my hostess for the trip.  "She's probably out back spray painting something," the person I'd met with said offhandedly.

SHUT. THE. FRONT. DOOR.

In addition to being kind, helpful, wise, and just generally awesome and easy to talk to, Maegan also likes to spray paint?!?!  And that's when I knew for sure that God was in this relationship.

No, really, I do mean that.

It amazes me that out of all the things God did on that trip both big and small, that spray painting matters to Him.  Not so much the act of spray painting or the glories of spray painting (though they are many), but that He cares about the details of our lives enough to care about putting two women together who would connect on something like that.  We weren't there to talk about crafts or ourselves, yet the Lord knew what He was doing and HE was the one who arranged to have it brought up.  Out of all of the random things in our lives that we didn't talk about, God knew we would connect on the issue of spray painting, so He saw to it that that was brought up naturally in conversation.

It boggles my mind.  What a caring God who is in the details.  I love that about Him -- that He connected a Pacific-northwesterner-relocated-to-the-east-coast-social-justice-advocate-and-budget-fashionista-turned-discipleship-professional with a midwesterner-relocated-to-the-south-engineering-professor-doing-who-knows-what-with-her-life in the context of learning discipleship over something trivial yet incredible: spray paint.  (Whew, that was a sentence!)

I think that is awesome.  And I am grateful for spray paint (duh), for my friend Maegan (she's awesome), and for a loving, caring God who knows that spray paint is the way to my heart.  He worked with that to help me make a new friend.

So cool.   One more thing I love about our God who is in the details -- even the trivial ones like spray painting.

Chessly

The other week I was at our church offices after a meeting, and I was meeting a friend for dinner at 9.  I had some time before I was supposed to meet him, so I decided just to wait at church and finish up some work until dinner.

A voice interrupted me.  Since I had left the door unlocked, someone had come into our church and asked, "Um, sorry, but do you know if the last bus has come for the night?"

A bit of background for the non-Fayetteville people -- Arkansas in general and Fayetteville in particular are not places you want to live without a car.  While we do have a small bus system, the schedule is infrequent and the routes are limited.  So, long story short, I told the normal, young-ish looking girl who I assumed was a college student that I didn't know and that I would be happy to look the information up for her online.  She said she thought she'd missed the last bus for the night, walked outside, and thanked me.

And that's when the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit told me to offer her a ride.  So I locked up the church and I did.

Over the course of giving her a ride, that's when I learned she was a domestic abuse victim, she had just left her living situation in Louisiana a few weeks prior, she'd had to leave her dog and sense of security behind, she was drunk on a Wednesday night at 8 PM, she was staying with strangers who were cokeheads, she didn't have a place to live, and her phone had been stolen from the last sketchy guy who she'd stayed with two nights prior.  My heart was broken.  I kept asking the Lord to give me wisdom -- what do I do?  What do I say?

When I dropped her off, it broke my heart.  I asked if I could pray for her.  She initially wouldn't let me, but she then relented.  I sensed the Holy Spirit's presence heavily right there in my little Civic in a sketchy neighborhood praying for my new friend Chessly.  She asked for my number and, after praying for wisdom, I felt like I should give it to her -- so I did.  However, it's been about a month and I haven't heard from her.

I still pray for her; I would appreciate it if you would too.

Like I've explained before, one of the biggest lessons I'm learning now is to just to be faithful to the opportunities the Lord puts in front of you.  I'm also learning that you never know what they will be.

People Development: Lessons from the Trenches

Yesterday, I had some work collaborators come to campus to tie up the loose ends we had on a project we finished this summer. Although the project -- particularly in the last week or two -- was incredibly stressful, in the end the client was very happy with the work that we did for them.  Their preliminary estimate is that the project will net more than a 2,500% ROI (nope, no typo or calculation error; the project results were a slam dunk).

Arriving at the finish line of the project was no easy task -- it just wasn't.  It involved all nighters (which I'm way too old for and never really did during school anyway).  It involved micromanaging someone who just wouldn't do his job without micromanaging.  It required us to go back and double and triple check everything because we couldn't trust that the work was correct.  It was sanctifying and helped me to build patience; no doubt about it.

But the thing is -- the parts of the project that caused me the most frustration and took so much of my time and were so hard to manage?  The client loved them.  They went on and on about how good they were, both during the project and again yesterday.  And secretly I thought to myself, "OMG if you only knew what went into getting you those results and the things you're praising, you would appraise this situation and cast of characters totally differently."

And yesterday, the Lord was quick to point out -- "This is your job.  It is people development.  It is to set people up to be successful.  It is not to use them to do something you can then take the credit for."

And regardless of what my next job is -- professor, discipleship pastor, or something else -- I think I will always be in the people development business.  This year the Lord is teaching me a bunch about developing people.  This isn't something I really expected to learn much about this year, but I am.

I am learning that I need to manage, coach, and reprimand in private.

I am learning that I need to praise, protect, and advocate for others in public.

I am learning that I need to not care about who gets credit.

I am learning that I need to care about the job getting done well, and people learning in the process -- and if they get the credit for something that I've done, that's ok.

I am learning that it's not a win if people need me to be successful.  That's another form of pride.

I am learning that I need to set people up to be successful and, in time, independent.

In short, I am learning Kingdom economics and management principles.  I am learning that my biggest successes will come if I become completely replaceable -- if I am able to raise up and help train leaders who can do what I do, with their own signature style.  I am learning that my best success will be training people who can take over my job -- over time hopefully better than and independently of me.   And when those people can raise up leaders to replace themselves?  That's the ultimate win because then the vision becomes scalable.

And in short, that's how Jesus told us to make disciples.  I am learning how to do that, and how to care most about just serving Jesus and working to love and develop others -- regardless of who gets the credit.

"Kids" these Days

I remember when I first graduated from graduate school, a 27 year old newly minted PhD.  I was extremely uncomfortable with my newly-earned title of Dr. Root.  I remember that I fought it for a long time, thinking it sounded old and stuffy and arrogant.  I remember feeling a lot more comfortable being called "Sarah".  I remember feeling like I had a lot more in common with the graduate students than I did with my colleagues.

Seven years later, all that has changed.  One other thing has changed too -- the way I refer to our students.

I remember when I first took this job I was irrationally obsessed with calling the people I taught "students".  When colleagues or staff people would call them kids, I'd bristle.  "They're 18 (or 21 or 24).  They are old enough to vote and be drafted.  They're not kids, they're adults."

This year, I've noticed that I've started to call my students kids.  And I've noticed that it's because they often act like kids.  Yes they could vote or be drafted or even have children of their own -- but in many cases, they act like kids.  And maybe even more than that, I'm ok with calling them kids because I love many of them like kids.  I see the potential in them.  I want them to make good choices, but know that a lot of times the best way for kids to learn is by making mistakes and overestimating their abilities.  Sometimes they frustrate the crap out of me.  But I am grateful that the Lord has put them in my path for a semester or for a year or however long our lives intersect.

And maybe calling them kids means that I'm getting older, too -- I can accept that :)  It's been a good run.  I love these kids and I am grateful for the seven years I've had at the University of Arkansas serving them and loving them.  What a blessing.  I will miss them next year when I'm gone.

Good Friends

This morning, I was praying with my friend Ashley.  We get together Mondays to catch up, to share what's going on in each others' lives, to laugh, and most of all to pray for each other.  I love these times with my dear friend.

This morning as I shared with her what God was doing in a couple of my friends' lives and how exciting it was, Ashley said, "Sarah you've got some really good friends down here.  It's really incredible to think about where you were three years ago and where you are now."

It is.

It is absolutely incredible -- it's a testament to how the Lord exchanges beauty for ashes; the oil of joy for mourning; a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  It's a testament to how He makes all things new.

The first three years I lived in Arkansas, I had basically no friends.  It led me to experience the dark night of my soul -- an intense three years of depression where I felt utterly hopeless and alone.  It was without a doubt the darkest time in my life.

And then came Jesus.  He lifted me out of the pit.  He slowly and gently put my feet on a solid rock when He knew I was capable of standing again.  And now, He is using me for His glory.

And I think about all of the friends in Arkansas without whom this would not be possible.

• I think about Emily M. who loved me at my most unlovable, who gave me space when I needed it.  I think about our 6 AM meetings at McDonalds to talk and pray every week.
• I think about Ashley C. who was fun and who just listened and shared her experiences with me, reaching out to me when I didn't know anybody.
• I think about Ben and Rachel who invited me over for grilled cheese on a Christmas Eve, and listened and were kind.  I think about how Rachel showed me what it means to be yourself and be completely ok with it.
• I think about Charlie and Heidi who -- even though they probably didn't know it -- helped me to feel safe in church and begin to emerge and heal from spiritual abuse as a child.

These guys all loved me at my worst.  And I think about where I am now, and how the Lord used them to transform my life, I am so humbled.  When I reflect on how the Lord has richly blessed me with such loving, dedicated friends who show me different dimensions of God and allow me to richly experience life, I am overwhelmed.

• I think about Meredith.  I think about how the Lord has filled her with so much more confidence than she had and how He is using her gift of singing.  I think about how over the course of our friendship, we've both become better versions of ourselves as the Lord develops our characters.  I think about how we've helped to coach the Lord's gifts out of each other.
• I think of Ashley.  I think of what depressed messes we were when we met, and where we are now.  NIGHT. AND. DAY.  So different.  We are both walking in the strength and gifts the Lord has given us.  I think about how the Lord never gives up on us -- even in our most selfish, darkest times.  I think about how God loves us enough to push us to our breaking points so we can be broken for Him and out of that brokenness share Jesus' love with others.
• I think of Carrie.  I think about how, even though we were only in the same place for six months, the Lord just allowed us to become soul-level friends who love to laugh and who are passionately pursuing God together, even while we are on different continents.
• I think of Whitney -- I think of how she is the strongest and perhaps sharpest person I know.  I see how the Lord is using her in the corporate world, and how she encourages and challenges me every time we are together.  I think of her gifts and am so excited to see how the Lord uses her as He continues to give her incredible favor and puts her before kings.
• I think of sweet Katie.  I think of all the good times we had on Soapstone and how she helped me transform from a selfish, materialistic, inwardly focused person to one with a more missional, generous, Kingdom-oriented perspective.  I think of how much we laugh every time we get together, sometimes to the point of her rolling up in the fetal position with laughter.  I think about her understated leadership and her quiet strength that is an example to everyone she is around.
• I think of Austin and how he is like my little brother.  I think about how much he is learning, and what a joy he is to be around.  I think about how hungry He is to hear from the Lord and walk in His ways.  I think about how the Lord is using him to transform the spiritual future of his family.
• I think about Hunter.  I think about what a joy he is to be around.  I think about how incredibly in tune he is with the needs of others, and how he is one of the most loyal, genuine people I know.
• I think of Rob and Lauren.  I think about how happy I am they will spend their lives together.  I think about how much they desire to share the love and hope of Jesus with others.  I think of how genuine and giving they are.  I think about how they are hard workers who are among the most humble people I know.
• I think about Emily S.  I think about her sincerity and how fun she is.  I think about how she is one of the sweetest, most prayerful people I know.  I think about how her sincerity is undergirded with strong discernment and a gritty fearlessness to come against the powers of darkness.
• I think about my friend Bobby, and how much he is growing in the Lord.  I think about how damn likable that guy is, and how much he makes me laugh.  I think about how the Lord is going to use him in the lives of kids with rough starts, to encourage them and share His love.

These are just the friends that come to mind right away, and there are even more -- I think of Angela and Gennie and others who are funny and genuine and who I am so glad are in my life.  The point of this wasn't to gush about individuals (though that's what it turned into) -- but moreso to just thank the Lord for His faithfulness in providing friends when I needed them the most.  I feel so richly blessed to be surrounded by such loving, caring, awesome friends.  And perhaps even more than that, I marvel that the Lord has restored me to the point where I'm no longer doing all of the taking in relationships, but where I am not able to invest in the lives of others and hopefully help them since so many people helped me when I was at my absolute worst.  To God alone be the glory.

Epic Summer of Memories

At the beginning of the summer, I thought for sure I was leaving.  I had applied for the Protege program, I had sensed that my chapter at the U of A was finishing and I thought it was time for me to peace out of Fayetteville.  Turned out that was wrong, but I decided at the beginning of the summer that the summer would be epic.  I worked to live with intentionality, and I had the best summer I can remember.

It began innocently enough.  One day after work my friend Emily came over to borrow a movie, and long story short we ended up going to a weekday, 10 PM movie -- way past either of our normal bedtimes and way outside the normal boundaries we've constructed to make sure we get enough sleep and function like normal adults.  We chugged coffee and off we went.  That evening was so much fun, and the summer was given a name that stuck:

THE EPIC SUMMER OF MEMORIES

I worked to live each day with intention.  I wasn't sure how long I'd be in Fayetteville, so I tried to make memories every day -- I did fun things with my some of my favorite people.  It was awesome.  Here were some of the highlights:

• Cameron and I beat Super Mario Brothers.
• I went to see the Cooper and Thorncrown Chapels designed by Faye Jones, and spent time with Jesus there.
• Emily and I watched the first several seasons of the Office together.
• Anna and I had an epic day in which we went all over Fayetteville, went for a walk in the historic district, got ice cream, and watched the sunset over Mt. Sequoia.  And harassed Cameron at Mama Carmen's.
• Katie showed me around Branson, gave me a glimpse into her life on summer project, and took me to Whitewater.
• I got to shoot off fireworks at Rick and Julie's house for the first time in my life with a good chunk of our community group.  It was 75ish on July 4th in Arkansas -- such an idyllic setting, even if I had gotten into a wreck on the way out to their house.  But then the cop who had helped me at the scene of the wreck came out and crashed our party.  Amazing.
• Cameron and I made canolis.  From scratch.  For real.
• Randi and Lloyd held a crawfish boil for me.  It was awesome -- my first one, and held in my honor.
• Lauren, Hunter, and I had the most epic group text with so many memes, GIFs, and amazing Buzzfeed links.
• Hunter showed me how to send a GIF via text -- game changer.  He and I also hung out a ton this summer, including that one time we played Mario during a tornado warning....
• Austin and I went to the Tulsa Zoo and the Oklahoma aquarium.  I got introduced to the Strickland Zoo (aka, their five dogs).
• The Grove opened its new building, and I helped Gennie to paint her mural in one of the kids rooms and led a cleaning crew before the grand opening.
• Gennie, Ashley, Meredith and I hung out at the pool together a ton, usually with Justus, Kaleb, and Drew.
• Meredith and Ashley threw me the most epic birthday party at ChaCha and Pop's house with the coolest cake I've ever seen (RAINBOW!!!).  We decided that for my 35th birthday next year, I need to have a Glamour Shots party.  Um, winning!
• Hunter introduced me to Parks and Rec, and I watched all of it.
• I read a ton.
• Katie and I spent a great last week as roommates together, culminating with our last roommate outing exploring Cooper Chapel and enjoying the sunset on Mt. Sequoia.
• Hunter introduced me to the rock on top of Mission Hill.  We went and watched the supermoon, and talked until 1:30 AM.  (The bedtime thing started becoming more flexible as the summer wore on...)
• Gennie and I sat on her porch and talked a bunch, and pushed Drew in the swing.  It was so chill and fun.
• Whitney and I spent Wednesdays in Bentonville, doing fun Bentonville things.
• Hunter applied to tons of med schools, and I helped with many of his essays.
• I went to Crystal Bridges several times.  I got to see the Norman Rockwell exhibit, which was fun.
• Emily and I spent a lot of time together.  She began sharing with me how significant she thought my name is, and was one of the first in a long line of people to remind me of the promises given to Abraham and Sarah.  These are promises I now cling to daily.
• I spent the occasional introvert Sunday at St. Catherine's at Bell Gable.  Gorgeous.
• Daisha gave me vocab lessons.
• Mollie and Lindsey and I became pen pals.  This is my favorite thing ever.  Letters (and cheese) are my love language.
• I finished my promise book, where I read through the entire Bible and wrote out in a journal all of the promises that it contained.

These are just things that pop to mind immediately.  There were so many more.  At the beginning of the summer, the Office finale was on and Andy said, "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."  When I heard this, I felt the Lord say -- "These are the good old days, right now.  Enjoy them."

And I did.  This summer, the Lord taught me a lot about making the most of every single day, enjoying simple pleasures with great friends, and being thankful.  This summer -- which was incredibly epic -- I didn't go on vacation or spend a ton of money, but it was filled with some of the best memories I've made with friends.  I am so grateful, and it definitely won't be one that I forget anytime soon.

People

"Oh, you're still here?  I didn't think you would be here this year!"

Several students greeted me this way when I first saw them at the beginning of the school year.   Actually, I'm greeted this way a lot - by people from church, friends and acquantainces that I only see every couple months, and so on.  People thought I was leaving Fayetteville, and the Lord's plans for me in the upcoming season would be played out in a different locale.  And, honestly, I did too.

My answers are usually something along the lines of, "Yeah I thought I was leaving too, but I guess God has different plans for me here!"  And while I've believed that since finding out I was going to be here in Fayetteville year, I haven't known exactly what those plans were, or what they'd look like -- but I have believed there's been a reason and that, in the Lord's timing, the reasons would become clear.

I feel like in the last week or so the Lord has started giving me glimpses into the reasons why I am here.  It really boils down to a very simple reason: I am here for people.  I am in Fayetteville to know, love, serve, and invest in people -- students, coworkers, the family I am living with, friends, people at church, and people I have yet to meet.  I feel like in this season, the Lord is going before me and will arrange a lot of divine appointments with people.  I just need to be open and available, walking with and listening to Jesus.  He will point me in the right direction.  He introduce me to all of the people I need to know.  He will be my words, and my voice, and my strength.  He will give me wisdom.

After all, right behind God, isn't it all about people anyway?

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"  Jesus replied, " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:36-40)

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.  Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)