You're going to land on your feet

A colleague had come to Arkansas for a visit.  We are professional acquaintances, and he is a really nice guy -- but I wouldn't say he is a friend, and I have no reason to believe that the guy is a believer or has the same kind of worldview I do.  We have served together in professional society and gotten to know each other a little bit at conferences -- but that's honestly the extent of our relationship.

On the day in question, J sat across from me in my office at work.  He'd heard through the grapevine I was leaving Arkansas, and he wanted to talk more about why I was quitting my job and what was next for me professionally.  While I didn't straight up Jesus Juke the guy, the reality is that clear direction from God IS the reason I am quitting my job.  Consequently I don't avoid or gloss over this when I tell people about my decision to leave my job and perhaps academia altogether.

It's always a risk.  It's always uncomfortable.  I always feel a little awkward talking about it, particularly when I don't know people's spiritual background or have credibility built up with them.  I just try to follow the Spirit's leading and trust Him with my words.

Anyway, as I talked to my colleague, he shared with me his own disillusionment about certain aspects of academia.  Surprisingly, my decision to step off the tenure track into an unknown future has allowed me to have many significant conversations like this with colleagues.  They've told me things I've only talked with about my closest academic friends about.  They've been candid and honest and admired my bravery to basically say, "Stop.  Enough.  I'm sick of this."  And they look at me a little wistfully.

And then I think to myself -- and sometimes even say, "But that's not why I am leaving.  I'm not sick of this.  In fact, there are parts of this job that I love and that I think can make a huge difference.  I am leaving because God is clearly telling me to."

So as the conversation continued to unfold, I told J of my plans -- basically that I didn't have any.  He was a little flummoxed, and continued to ask me more questions.  After about half an hour of Q&A and discussion about what lay ahead, J left me with parting words I haven't forgotten.    As he left my office and told me how nice it was to see me and shook my hand, J reassured me saying, "Sarah, I just really have a good feeling you're going to land on your feet."

And, as I flail through the air without a living situation lined up or car to drive or any plan of employment after this school year, I remember that.

I WILL land on my feet.
He will work all things together for my good.

In the meantime, I am just grateful that God gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Character building

For the couple months, I have felt God telling me, "I don't care about your job.  I don't care about your earning potential.  I care about your character."

And, in my infinite wisdom, I figured that I probably knew what that meant: that I would leave my current job with a generous salary and benefits for a formalized leadership and character development program with a zero figure salary and no benefits.

But then, I didn't get accepted to the program I had applied for.

And then a couple days later the living situation that just sounded so right and so God-orchestraed fell through, leaving me without a plan for when our lease ends at the end of the month.

And then yesterday I got into an accident and messed up my car past the point that it is drivable.

So yeah, I have basically no idea what's going on with my life or where it's headed.  Anything I feel like I have figured by myself or tried lately has proven to be wrong or hasn't panned out.  Not a great feeling, really.

God had been prompting me to pray for patience.  I have done so with great reluctance because I've heard what happens when you pray for patience: that you are stuck in situations that build patience.  Those tend to be unpleasant situations that, given the choice, you'd rather avoid.

Check - it's been a hell of a week.

But, despite the crazy turn of events, I know God is with me in these situations.  He has not left me alone: I have a tremendous support network of friends who have given me rides and offered me a place to stay if I need it.  He kept me safe during the car accident, and the people in the other car too.  I have material resources so I can find a place to live or get a new car if I need to.  I have a job so I can support myself; one that I love and that I think has the potential for God to use me to make a difference.

But most of all, I have a God who loves me and is with me, watching over all of this.

He tells me He is not unable to sympathize with our weaknesses and the crap life doles out sometimes. (Hebrews 4:15) 

He tells us He will never leave us or forsake us. (Hebrews 13:5)

He tells us that He is groaning in prayer on behalf of us. (Romans 8:26)

He tells us that He has overcome the world, and all the associated adversity. (John 16:33).

He promises that he will wipe every tear from our eye, and eventually the pain and death in this broken world will stop. (Revelation 21:4)

And most of all He tells us -- and me personally -- that He is enough and that His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9).  And I just need to be patient and trust that.  I'm learning how; He is teaching me and building my character, slowly but surely.