This academic year has had plenty of unexpected twists and turns. I've learned so much -- it's probably not possible to say just how much, in fact. One of the things I know I'm learning about is taking the high ground, even when you're shafted. It doesn't come naturally and I certainly don't do it perfectly -- but I am learning and I know the Lord is training me in it.
At the end of last semester, students caught me in the hall and asked me about the time change to one of the courses I was teaching this spring. "Can you get the time changed back?"
Truth be told, this was the first I'd been told of the time change -- one that no one (including myself) liked or was happy with. When I asked a colleague about it, not only was he unapologetic about it he managed to personally offend me by telling me that my preferences were both irrelevant and unimportant. Instead of lashing out at him -- pointing out the unfairness and crappiness of this situation, not to mention his lack of tact and sensitivity -- I prayed about it and felt like the Lord was telling me forgive him, suck it up, and move on. But that hasn't made the students happy with the time change. They still occasionally complain to me about it. I find myself in the awkward position of defending the decisions made by those in charge, while hating them myself.
The other class I am teaching this semester is at 8 AM in a room with a terrible setup and even worse technological capabilities -- seriously, it is virtually impossible to read what I write because of the projector sometimes. The students (understandably) are frustrated by this, but I don't think there's any way that they could be as frustrated about it as I am. It is awful when students are sleeping through class and/or unable to read what you're doing your best to communicate despite complaints and desperate attempts to make the situation better.
One student in particular is very unhappy with the projector. He complains loudly and very rudely at least once a week, essentially yelling at me about the crappiness of the situation -- and instead of saying, "Yeah, you're right -- let's whine about those in charge together!" or "Seriously, you jerk -- stop yelling at me. This isn't my fault and I've done everything I can to try to fix it -- you're being belligerent and disrespectful!", I find myself working to diffuse the situation with grace and humility.
Essentially, I am choosing not to take the bait to complain or whine or lash out -- even when it may be within my rights or when I am probably justified in doing so.
For those of you who know me in real life, that's a LEARNED skill; I did not come factory wired to act like this. I find the Lord is smoothing off my rough edges, one tiny bit and one frustrating situation at a time. I find myself being taught to give up my right to complain or have a bad attitude, and instead walk in humility and grace.
And it's ironic. As I reflect on it, I find I'm not giving those things up because I'm choosing to void myself of my sassiness or spunk or the fiery passion God placed in me. In fact, in other areas of my life those characteristics are thriving and stronger than ever. I'm instead choosing to walk in peace and in gentleness and in self control in hard and somewhat heated situations. I guess what I see is that the Lord truly is growing the fruits of the spirit in me, and I am able to operate in them even in charged environments.
Huh, who knew? This year of development has been so hard -- but realizing what it's resulting in has made it all seem worthwhile. Even when I don't get to be quite as sassy as I used to be or might like to be sometimes :)
