2014

This year.  This year was all kinds of amazing, hard, stretching and ultimately, good.  At the beginning of the year, I felt God impressing strongly on me that I needed to focus 2014 on TRUST.  I didn't understand the fullness of what that meant (and probably still don't), but I can say without a doubt God helped to grow me in this area.  Trusting in God includes trusting in His plans, timing and most of all His character -- that it is unchanging, that He is faithful, and that He is worthy of being trusted.

At the beginning of the year I had no idea what I was going to do for a job beyond May, and I felt strongly impressed to wait and not actively pursue career opportunities.  The prospect of staying at Arkansas was not an option -- my boss had explicitly said so.  Yet in a series of not to be believed, impossible events, I ended up getting an offer to stay at Arkansas -- one with much less security and that is a hit to the ego and to the finances, but one that is well-suited to my interests and desire to interact with students.  Through the chaos and uncertainty of it all, God was teaching me that He is faithful, that I could hear His voice, and that -- even if it didn't look like I expected -- that He is trustworthy and that He will provide where there is no way.

This summer was awesome in ways I can't describe.  For the first time since I started working about 20 years ago, I had the summer off.  It helped me to retool and recharge from a stressful semester.  It provided me margin to think, to dream, to connect with friends, and to feed myself spiritually and emotionally.  It helped me to get perspective on where I was in life.  During this time I realized that discipleship pastoring was not going to be a career path with a job title for me; instead, I sensed God is leading me to continue in academia and serve industrial engineering students, in some way discipling and spiritually shepherding them there.  I still don't have clarity on what that will look like, but I can see that God is expanding my vision and training me in this season so that I will be ready to step to do what He calls me to do when, where, and how He calls me to do it.

Then out of the blue I was approached with a professional opportunity that was a once-in-a-blue-moon kind of a thing that I would be crazy not to pursue.  After a confusing situation where I ended up not getting the job, I just felt the Lord saying "trust Me; I will order your steps and open doors no man can open, and shut the ones no one can shut either."  And so, I do and in the fall I began another year at the University of Arkansas teaching our industrial engineering students.

I quickly realized that teaching three classes per semester instead of one or two was no joke.  I was exhausted and working harder than I can ever remember working.  I felt the Lord telling me, "This is about capacity building" -- and boy, was it ever.  I felt stretched and ultimately that resulted in growth.  I felt the Lord repeating the word "steadfast" --  to do a good job even when it is not always appreciated, valued, or guaranteed to lead to the next step.  I learned to rely on God in new and harder ways.  And then, as though it were a final exam, at the end of the year I felt God asking me to go home to Ohio for a day or two at Christmas.  And although I was terrified and skeptical, it was a good step and I was grateful I went.  Yes, God really can be trusted -- even when He asks us to do hard, counterintuitive things; even when He strips away layers of worldly security; even when it doesn't make sense and is confusing.

In 2014, I learned so much.  Like really learned it, having it travel from my head to my heart.

That God is faithful.
That His grace fills in the gaps.
That He is trustworthy.
That He is good -- really good -- and that His character is unchanging.

This year was one of growth;  I can say without a doubt that I am in a better place at the end of 2014 than I was at the beginning.  Not sure what 2015 has in store, but I am looking forward to it.  Even if it is hard, I know that it is worth it and that these lessons are critical to learn now.  God continues to develop my character so, when the time is right, He can release me into my calling.  I am working hard to be a good student of these lessons.