List for the future

When I came back from DC, I felt so blessed -- blessed by people's generosity with their time, their experiences, their resources, and their influence.  I was honored and humbled that these folks I'd admired for so long would spend time with a nobody from Arkansas.  I don't have a title.  I don't have a position in any fancy church.  There's nothing that I can do for them -- but they were generous and giving with everything they had.  I was (and am) so grateful.

As I shared how grateful I was with one of my friends, she said, "Sarah, I think you need to remember how you feel right now.  Remember how grateful you are.  Remember how blessed you were by their generosity.  I really feel like you're going to be in a position to share your wisdom and experiences with others someday, and I think you need to remember what that feels like on the receiving side now before you get in the position to be on the giving side."

From one perspective -- the one I'm living now where I just have a God dream and a day job and no inclination that I'll ever really be in position to be on the giving side -- my friend's suggestion seems sort of silly and foolish and like it's crazy.   However, when Emily said that, her suggestion resonated with my Spirit immediately and I just somehow sensed that she was right.

After I'd had time to think, pray, and process through her suggestion, I sat down with my journal and  asked the Lord to help me make a list of things I would do when I was someday in a position to share my wisdom with others.  Here's the list that emerged.

When I am in a position to share what I have, I will

1. Be generous with my time, inviting those who are interested to come and learn.
2. Invest in others to make myself completely replaceable.
3. Affirm the callings of others.
4. Train my staff to be generous with our time, talent, and treasure.
5. Share with others what I've learned via writing (book, blog, etc).
6. Leverage connections on behalf of others.  Connect people when and how I can.
7. Make everything open-source and share generously with the resources we create.
8. Use my influence to advance the causes of the disadvantaged.

This list came as quickly as I could write -- probably in less than 10 minutes.  This list shocked me, both in its specificity and in some of what it said (I'll have a staff?!  Writing books?! REALLY?!?!?!).  After I praying about it, discussing the list with a few close friends, and really spending time asking God "are you sure this isn't my own imagination?", I think this list is from God -- so now I am putting the list out there.  I am believing by faith that I will somehow, one day do all of these things.

It seems crazy.  I don't see how it is possible.  I cannot see a path for how this will possibly happen.

In the meantime, I am working to be faithful with the resources I have now.  I am writing more in my blog to establish a writing habit and a writing voice (#5).  For those in my spheres of influence, I work to speak life into their lives and affirm their calling (#3).  I am learning to be generous with my own time right now (#1).

I am praying God takes my humble seed of obedience, and grows it into something big and beautiful and of His creation and for His glory. I don't need, expect, or even want credit.  It's all because of and for Jesus.  To Him alone be the glory.

Lessons from my Trip to NCC

I've spent the weekend and the last few days learning from folks at National Community Church.  It's sort of surreal, given that I've always respected them and have learned so much from them since I began reading Pastor Mark's blog and listening to their podcasts in 2004 or 2005.

In even the brief few days since I've been here, I've learned so much from them.  Here are some of the biggest highlights I've taken away.

• Generosity is critical.  On Sunday morning, I went to the Barracks Row location and helped to serve donuts before the first service.  Many of the folks in line for the donuts were homeless people from across the city.  "Can I have four glazed and one strawberry donut?" my first "customer" asked.  I didn't know what to do, but I just gave him the donuts he asked for.  When I later asked someone on staff about it, she told me I had done the right thing.  "I'd rather be generous and taken advantage of than to not be generous -- because if I'm not generous, then it's my fault," she explained.  And the staff at NCC has modeled this for me so well.  So many people gave selflessly of their time to meet with me.  They gave me no holds barred access to everything that they've done, the meetings they attend, explained how they do things, gave me rides, and really went above and beyond to make sure I felt comfortable, welcomed, and included.  I was floored by their generosity and willingness to give WAY beyond their level of comfort or convenience.
• Leaders raise up other leaders.  Everyone I've met with is incredibly competent -- from the admins to the team leaders, people just really seem equipped and good at what they're doing.  I guess what strikes me is that the people I've met with seem to strategically identify folks who are talented, invest in them, and then raise them up.  They're not threatened by the success of others, but the opposite -- they invest in others to help make them successful.  They're secure in their positions and are working to raise up leaders to replicate themselves.  This helps to make the vision scalable and this is what Jesus actually did with His own disciples.
• It doesn't matter who gets the credit -- we give all credit to Jesus.  This was a quote from Pastor Mark in the staff meeting.  He continued, "Hopefully what we do will bring glory to His name.  But we don't fight about who gets the credit."  We should allow people to function in their giftedness and celebrate it when they are successful.  Leaders who are insecure will create a culture of insecurity.  Create a culture of wins and playing to peoples' strengths instead.  Celebrate what you want to see repeated.
• It's going to be a continuous process not trying to figure things out.  But stop.  Work like it depends on you, pray like it depends on God.  Just follow Jesus and trust Him and stop trying to figure things out.  You wouldn't understand it anyway.
• Seasons of waiting are like super-concentrated, rich soil in which a seed can grow.  The seed doesn't need help, it doesn't need some special kind of water -- what it needs is time.  Waiting is not sexy -- you're not going to see someone going on Oprah or Ellen talking about how they're waiting.  It's tough to get people excited about -- but you just have to trust that the Lord is in control and wait.  The sooner you get excited about where the Lord has you, the sooner you'll calm down.
• God has the answers for me, and I need to listen to and trust Him.  People don't have the answers.  Books don't have the answers.  Processes and best practices don't have the answers.  They're all helpful and valuable, absolutely, but God is the one who has the answers for me -- I won't find them in people, and I should not expect to.
• When it comes to issues of women in church leadership, we may be coming at it incorrectly.  Instead of thinking about it in a binary way -- yes women should absolutely be in all ministry roles or no they shouldn't -- we need to think about what makes the Gospel the most attractive.  If women in leadership helps advance the Gospel and make it accessible to a broader audience, then women should be in leadership.  If having women in leadership becomes a barrier to or diminishes the attractiveness of the Gospel, then women shouldn't be in leadership roles there.  THis depends almost entirely on context.
• I don't understand God.  Why would I expect to understand His plans?  It's probably better for me at this point just not to know what's next.  When the Lord wants me to know, He will let me know.  Until then, I will just wait.

The experience of visiting NCC was such a tremendous blessing.  I feel affirmed in my calling, that I am on the right path following the Lord, and that -- in the Lord's timing -- He will reveal the next step of the plan.  Even better, I made a several friends and an ally during my visit.  I am so excited to continue nurturing these relationships and trusting in the Lord's timing, provision, and direction as He reveals His plans to me.  I am so grateful for the time, kindness, and generosity of the folks at NCC.  What a tremendous blessing they've been to me.

Good Friends

This morning, I was praying with my friend Ashley.  We get together Mondays to catch up, to share what's going on in each others' lives, to laugh, and most of all to pray for each other.  I love these times with my dear friend.

This morning as I shared with her what God was doing in a couple of my friends' lives and how exciting it was, Ashley said, "Sarah you've got some really good friends down here.  It's really incredible to think about where you were three years ago and where you are now."

It is.

It is absolutely incredible -- it's a testament to how the Lord exchanges beauty for ashes; the oil of joy for mourning; a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  It's a testament to how He makes all things new.

The first three years I lived in Arkansas, I had basically no friends.  It led me to experience the dark night of my soul -- an intense three years of depression where I felt utterly hopeless and alone.  It was without a doubt the darkest time in my life.

And then came Jesus.  He lifted me out of the pit.  He slowly and gently put my feet on a solid rock when He knew I was capable of standing again.  And now, He is using me for His glory.

And I think about all of the friends in Arkansas without whom this would not be possible.

• I think about Emily M. who loved me at my most unlovable, who gave me space when I needed it.  I think about our 6 AM meetings at McDonalds to talk and pray every week.
• I think about Ashley C. who was fun and who just listened and shared her experiences with me, reaching out to me when I didn't know anybody.
• I think about Ben and Rachel who invited me over for grilled cheese on a Christmas Eve, and listened and were kind.  I think about how Rachel showed me what it means to be yourself and be completely ok with it.
• I think about Charlie and Heidi who -- even though they probably didn't know it -- helped me to feel safe in church and begin to emerge and heal from spiritual abuse as a child.

These guys all loved me at my worst.  And I think about where I am now, and how the Lord used them to transform my life, I am so humbled.  When I reflect on how the Lord has richly blessed me with such loving, dedicated friends who show me different dimensions of God and allow me to richly experience life, I am overwhelmed.

• I think about Meredith.  I think about how the Lord has filled her with so much more confidence than she had and how He is using her gift of singing.  I think about how over the course of our friendship, we've both become better versions of ourselves as the Lord develops our characters.  I think about how we've helped to coach the Lord's gifts out of each other.
• I think of Ashley.  I think of what depressed messes we were when we met, and where we are now.  NIGHT. AND. DAY.  So different.  We are both walking in the strength and gifts the Lord has given us.  I think about how the Lord never gives up on us -- even in our most selfish, darkest times.  I think about how God loves us enough to push us to our breaking points so we can be broken for Him and out of that brokenness share Jesus' love with others.
• I think of Carrie.  I think about how, even though we were only in the same place for six months, the Lord just allowed us to become soul-level friends who love to laugh and who are passionately pursuing God together, even while we are on different continents.
• I think of Whitney -- I think of how she is the strongest and perhaps sharpest person I know.  I see how the Lord is using her in the corporate world, and how she encourages and challenges me every time we are together.  I think of her gifts and am so excited to see how the Lord uses her as He continues to give her incredible favor and puts her before kings.
• I think of sweet Katie.  I think of all the good times we had on Soapstone and how she helped me transform from a selfish, materialistic, inwardly focused person to one with a more missional, generous, Kingdom-oriented perspective.  I think of how much we laugh every time we get together, sometimes to the point of her rolling up in the fetal position with laughter.  I think about her understated leadership and her quiet strength that is an example to everyone she is around.
• I think of Austin and how he is like my little brother.  I think about how much he is learning, and what a joy he is to be around.  I think about how hungry He is to hear from the Lord and walk in His ways.  I think about how the Lord is using him to transform the spiritual future of his family.
• I think about Hunter.  I think about what a joy he is to be around.  I think about how incredibly in tune he is with the needs of others, and how he is one of the most loyal, genuine people I know.
• I think of Rob and Lauren.  I think about how happy I am they will spend their lives together.  I think about how much they desire to share the love and hope of Jesus with others.  I think of how genuine and giving they are.  I think about how they are hard workers who are among the most humble people I know.
• I think about Emily S.  I think about her sincerity and how fun she is.  I think about how she is one of the sweetest, most prayerful people I know.  I think about how her sincerity is undergirded with strong discernment and a gritty fearlessness to come against the powers of darkness.
• I think about my friend Bobby, and how much he is growing in the Lord.  I think about how damn likable that guy is, and how much he makes me laugh.  I think about how the Lord is going to use him in the lives of kids with rough starts, to encourage them and share His love.

These are just the friends that come to mind right away, and there are even more -- I think of Angela and Gennie and others who are funny and genuine and who I am so glad are in my life.  The point of this wasn't to gush about individuals (though that's what it turned into) -- but moreso to just thank the Lord for His faithfulness in providing friends when I needed them the most.  I feel so richly blessed to be surrounded by such loving, caring, awesome friends.  And perhaps even more than that, I marvel that the Lord has restored me to the point where I'm no longer doing all of the taking in relationships, but where I am not able to invest in the lives of others and hopefully help them since so many people helped me when I was at my absolute worst.  To God alone be the glory.