Giving it all up

In the last few weeks, my life has changed like I never really thought it would.  I have been in graduate school pursuing a tenure track job or, after actually having the job, pursuing tenure for the last 11 years.  In the last month, my life has taken a hard left -- one that I didn't see coming, one that I didn't plan on or even think I wanted.

I am stepping off the tenure track and into an unknown future.  God is asking me to follow Him, and I am.

A few weeks ago, I felt God telling me to leave the profession of industrial engineering entirely.  

The profession I love.

The profession I've been learning about and/or teaching about for 15 years, nearly 50% of my life.

The only "real" job I've ever had.

God said to give it up.

I gulped hard and said -- "If you want me to, sure.  I want to follow you."

Over the course of the week, I felt like he was whispering to me saying, "I just wondered if you were willing."  I felt like I had a reprieve and that I could stay in industrial engineering.

But then, He called me to give up my job.  To give up my dream.  To take a paycut, and follow Him into an unknown future without a guaranteed job or security.  To leave the students and coworkers I've been praying for and investing in for six years.  And that is when it got hard.

To say, "Where you go I'll go!" is one thing.

To do it is something else.  And that involves risk, and a bit of trepidation. 

And if you loved what you've done, it involves sadness and grief.  But following God and walking in the path He has prepared for me is where the life is, and so it is where I choose to walk.

I have a job for 2013.  I don't anticipate knowing what I will do for awhile.  A sage friend told me to seek God above the answers, so that is what I am doing.  Wandering, seeking, and processing what has happened.

And at the core, this involves a gut-level trust that God's plan is better than my own and that He wants to get me where He wants me to go even worse than I want to get there.  Here's to what lies ahead--whatever that is.