Mars Hill and Mark Driscoll

I actually started out my last post to write all about Mark Driscoll and what has happened at Mars Hill.  I didn't feel like I could adequately explain why I care so much without giving some of my own background, so that's what the last post was all about -- now back to why I started writing.

Watching this whole Mark Driscoll thing unfold -- from a distance and on the internet -- has caused all of the feels.  

Why do I care so much?! 

How could Mark Driscoll think he could get away with this for so long?

I'm so glad someone called the emporer naked.  This serves him right.

God please help Mark Driscoll and his family.
How could any woman stomach being married to this guy when he does not value women?!?

God please help the victims of the spiritual abuse suffered at the hands of Mars Hill.

OMG what a black eye on the body of Christ.

This is what I could be if I don't check pride at the door.

There but for the grace of God go I.

Jesus be near.

In short, I don't know what to think.  I am glad he has resigned.  The more information that comes out, the deeper it seems that the black hole goes.  It's sad.  I'm so sad for the women and others who suffered spiritual abuse either directly in his hands or in the environment he helped to create -- an environment of misogyny, bullying, and authoritarianism.

It shows me how grace matters.  It shows me how destructive environments that promote Jesus yet do not extend grace can be.  It shows me how actions have consequences.  And it is yet another illustration that a person's gifiting -- communication, rallying people behind an idea, etc. -- can destroy them in the spotlight if their character is not strong enough to sustain their calling.

Yet I'd be hardpressed not to see a bit of myself in him.  It's the perfect illustration of what can happen if you surround yourself with people who unilaterally agree with you and won't call you on your issues.  It's a reality check, both to the body of Christ and to me.  I hope we never have people hurt in the hands of spiritual leaders -- particularly those lauded by those around them -- again.  I pray that God is developing my character so that whatever sphere of influence I end up in -- large or small -- my character is not insufficient to sustain me.

It's all just really sad to me.  And I do hope Mark Driscoll heals and is restored -- but I also hope that he truly repents so there is not even more collateral damage and more victims of spiritual abuse.

Spiritual Abuse

I grew up in a series of dysfunctional churches.  From the onset, let me acknowledge that churches are made of people -- all imperfect -- and are therefore by definition imperfect.  I know that and am firmly committed to one such church now.  But the churches I grew up in were, like, REALLY dysfunctional.

I remember never feeling like I fit in church -- like I was a square peg in a round hole.  I remember the shaming of women, like when two girls in our church got pregnant and both had to "confess" in front of the congregation while there were no repercussions for the baby daddies.  I remember a drummer in another church who had three babies by two different women in our church all before he was 18.  I remember being made to feel like my intelligence was a liability.  I remember my mom crying in the car because going to church hurt too much, but making us go inside anyway.  I remember when our pastor had an affair with another staff member, causing her to "resign", while there was no confession on his part.  Basically, I remember chaos, confusion, and hurt when I think of growing up in church -- all while being made to feel inferior because I was a woman and rebellious because I would ask questions.

Understandably, it left me with a bad taste in my mouth as a child on into my early thirties -- one that I now realize as an adult was shame, anger, judgement, and a feeling of cognitive dissonance.  I felt like I could not trust God Himself because, at least if He was anything like His representatives, He was not kind and He sort of thought women were out to get Him.  He also didn't like independent thinkers.

All of this me hurt, wounded, and broken.  God over time and in His own sweet, gentle ways has healed these wounds and has made me whole again.  For this, I am both in awe and unspeakably grateful.  It's incredible how He has done that.

It's taken time, but God does not do sloppy work.  He doesn't cut corners and His healing is complete.  I know and believe that He will use ALL of this for my good and for His glory.

Women Pastors?

During my trip to DC, I had a chance to meet with Heather Zempel.  She has been a from-a-distance role model and mentor for me for a long time.  When the Lord whispered in my spirit "discipleship pastor", I thought of her immediately.  Female, engineer, discipleship pastor?  The world may soon have two; still waiting to see how the Lord leads me on that one.  But it already has one -- a great one -- in the form of HZ, and I was so appreciative of her willingness to take time to meet with some random, unknown person from Arkansas during my visit.

One of the biggest questions I had for Heather was about women in role of pastor.  While she has written about this on her own blog and even done a couple podcasts about the subject, the answer that she gave me in person was so helpful and insightful that I have to share it here.

Heather went on to break down what it meant to be a shepherd or pastor into three categories.

1. Pastor or shepherd as a spiritual gift.  A person with the spiritual gift of shepherding or pastoring is responsible for overseeing, training and caring for Christians; they are generally patient, people-centered, and willing to spend time in prayer for others.  People with the spiritual gift of shepherding just naturally assume shepherding roles in their friend groups, workplaces, or other spheres of influence.  They guide, direct, and lead people spiritually.  They help bring them back when they wander off spiritually.  They protect them from spiritual danger. They just naturally gravitate towards caring for the spiritual needs of others, regardless of their vocations or official ministry titles.
2. Pastor or shepherd as a role.  People can assume roles that are those of a pastor or shepherd.  For example, small group leaders are assume roles where they care for the members of their group.  In a formal discipleship relationship, the discipler is acting in the role of a pastor or shepherd.  There are other examples as well where a person assumes a formal role as a pastor or shepherd.
3. Pastor or shepherd as a title or position of authority.  This is what people generally think of when they hear the word "pastor" -- this is someone who leads a church or a spiritual movement or something, generally as a vocation.  This is a title of authority that is bestowed on an individual by others (e.g., a congregation, a group of elders, etc).

Heather went on to explain that most people except the very fringes of the theologically conservative wouldn't have any problems with women being pastors in the first two categories -- using a spiritual gift or functioning in the role of a pastor or shepherd by, say, leading a women's Bible study.  When dealing with the issue of women pastors, it gets dicy when we think about women in the third category -- the title or position of authority.

She explains a bit more about her own calling and opinions on her blog and on the podcasts, so I don't presume to speak for her here.  However, I took several things away from our conversation worth sharing.  The biggest takeaways for me were:

• Never seek the title or role of pastor.  If the title or role is given to you by others and the Lord leads you to accept it, that's great.  But seeking the title just for the title itself is not wise and will probably lead to all kinds of unintended (and probably counterproductive) consequences like having to "prove" your calling, trying to convince others of the legitimacy of your ministry, and so on.  All of this can really detract from your ability to effectively spiritually care for those you're entrusted with.
• Always be humble enough to step out of the role if this is what the Lord is leading you to.  Even if it's not originally about getting the title of pastor but the title of pastor finds you, it's important to be humble enough to follow the Lord's leading out of the role of pastor just like you followed the Lord's leading into the role if that is how He leads.
• Our overriding concern should always be whether having women pastors makes the Gospel more attractive.  In urban, progressive contexts, for example, having a women preach and serve as a pastor can deconstruct walls and disassemble preconceived notions people have about the church.  This can allow them to hear the Gospel more clearly since they are able to get past some of their preconceived notions about the church.  In conservative, more traditional contexts, however, people may not be able to hear the message that we ultimately want them to hear if they cannot get past the fact the that it's a woman delivering it.  This is a case where having women pastors can the Gospel less attractive.  If having women pastors makes the Gospel more attractive, we should have women pastors.  If not, we shouldn't.  The overriding priority isn't and should never become proving something about gender roles in the church; it should be about making the name of Jesus famous and making disciples of Him.

I am kind of in this place now where I will just follow the Lord and do whatever He tells me.  If that involves becoming a pastor, then I will become a pastor.  It it involves something else, then I want to be faithful to doing whatever that is.  I trust the Lord in His leading, and believe that He will make the next steps clear to me in His timing.  In the meantime, however, I am really grateful for Heather's time and wisdom as I listen and work to figure out what the Lord has next for me.