Now I feel God whispering to me that this will be a year of development -- that He will develop my dreams, my skills, my passions, and my character.
I have got to say that when I think of development, I am quick to jump ahead to think of a nice, shiny finished product that has been painstakingly engineered and works well. On the front side of having been developed, however, I stand here looking at pieces of myself that need sand blasted, chipped off, primed and painted, rotten spots that need removed entirely. I see voids where there will need to be something built.
In short, I see a lot of work. But the Lord has been gracious to help me look to the end product rather than to fear the process. And He has been so gracious to remind me that He works all things together for my good, not necessarily for my comfort. And He has been so gracious to remind me that this isn't my job (solely) to do -- that He and I will partner in the development, with Him doing the bulk of the heavy lifting when I'm not able.
The hardest part of development so far has been how it is happening. It's happened by hurting others and making mistakes. It's happened by realizing I have no control over things that you'd think would be simple, like finding a place to live. It's happened via frustrating interactions with people who have been a joy to work with in the past but who I now want to strangle sometimes. And just when I feel like I'm reaching the breaking point or I can't go on, the Lord reminds me, "You prayed for patience" or "This is about developing your character."
It doesn't mean it sucks less. It doesn't mean the repercussions of the situation go away. But it reframes the situation, and reminds me that the God of the universe is orchestrating a personal development plan for me. It reminds me that I shouldn't fight it or have a bad attitude or be a jerk, but to learn from the situation and to take it for a development opportunity. And it means that this is a part of what He has promised me will work together for my good even when it's not for my comfort.
So to this end I am working to be soft and pliable clay in the potter's hand, and I remind myself often of Hebrews 12:11 often. It has become my motto in this season.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Praying for a harvest of righteousness. That is what I really want, and not for just for my benefit but also for the benefit of others.
And if that means that the 2013-14 school year is about developing me, and doing hard stuff sometimes? I think I am ready. Bring on the year of development.
you're so awesome.
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