Waiting

"You're still here? I thought you were leaving."

"Have you started applying for jobs?"

"What's next?"

These are all questions I hear pretty regularly -- and my answers are, in order:

Yes I'm still here, and I thought I was leaving too.

No I haven't.

Not sure.  Whatever the Lord says to do.

It's been interesting.  I just have this overwhelming sense that this is where I should be right now.  I am very well-supported: my community and friends here are so outstanding -- encouraging, prayerful, fun, and willing to say the hard stuff too.  I am getting the chance to volunteer more in the area of small groups and discipleship.  I am investing in students and friendships.  I am reading a ton about spritual development and small groups and discipleship.

And most of all, I am learning to better discern, hear, and act on what I learn from that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit.

It's interesting when I reflect on what's happened since this time last year.  In the day to day, it feels like nothing's happened -- but when I look back I see how much the Lord has done.

• He has shown me that my identity is in Him, not my childhood or my brains or my job or what I do or give.
• I've quit my job, cashed in my chips, and put my yes on the table.  I will do whatever He wants me to do and go wherever He wants me to go.
• He has helped me to be a much better steward of my money by living on a budget.  I am giving significantly more AND saving more at the same time.
• He has given me an insane amount of courage and boldness.
• He has shown me how many promises there are in scripture, and how they are for me.
• He is growing me in the area of stewarding my emotions, and turning all of them over to Him -- especially anxiety.  He is showing me what it looks like to let the peace of God rule in my heart.
• He has shown me that I need to seek Him -- above knowledge, above opportunities, above knowing what's next.  Seek Him first.  He will work out the rest.
• He has grown me in the area of patience.  A lot.
• He has humbled me further.  It's uncomfortable, but it's so good and I honestly believe it's one of the main keys to receiving His blessing and walking in His anointing in my life.
• He has shown me that I expect people to give me grace while I don't extend the same grace to them.  He is helping me to change this.
• He has shown me that many of the things I grew up being told were liabilities are not.  They are part of the way He intentionally designed me for His glory.

I had this forewarning last spring that I would be in the wilderness for awhile -- wandering without a plan.  Here I am, more than 6 months later still wandering without any idea what's next.  It is uncomfortable.  It isn't my usual M.O.  It's not what I like.  Yet in the midst of this, I find myself contented and knowing that this is what the Lord wants for me right now.  While I wait, I rely on what is becoming one of my favorite promises in the Bible.

Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah and did for Sarah what He had promised.  Genesis 21:1