Discipleship

I remember last spring when I was considering what to do about my job -- should I go up for tenure?  Should I not?  If not, what would that mean for where my life was headed?  That time was chaotic, uncertain, and extremely confusing.  I was desperate for answers from God.  In the midst of the chaos, I felt the still small voice of the Holy Spirit whisper something to me that caught me extremely off guard:

"Discipleship pastor."

Being honest, I didn't know what a discipleship pastor was.   I thought it was extremely bizarre and random.  It was out of left field, and no one was more surprised about this prompting than I was.  Nonetheless it was random enough that I thought that it just might be a God thing so I began to consider it and pray about it.

For the last six months, I have been seeking God hard -- begging for His direction, unsure of which way to go.  He hasn't been loud, but He has been there reassuring me with His presence and overwhelming me with peace.

Trust me.

I haven't forgotten you.

I am preparing you.

Wait for me.

Be still.

Listen.

Cease striving.

Trust me.

At the same time, I've been working to learn as much as I can about what it might look like to be a discipleship pastor.  Digging into the word.  Reading as much about discipleship and spiritual development as time allows.  Reading blogs upon blogs.  Getting involved in writing curriculum with a team of folks at my church.  Meeting with people from my church and from folks at other churches as well who can teach me about discipleship.  Spending a ton of time in prayer, and learning better to listen for the voice of the Spirit.  In short I am working like it depends on me, and praying like it depends on God -- because it does.  Period.

Last night I was at my community group, and we were praying for each other.  Though I've kept them in the loop as everything has happened, I asked last night that they would pray that I would have clear direction and that I would have wisdom in how I spend my time in this season of waiting and preparation for what's next.  They did pray for me, and I was encouraged.  Then my friend Linda got a word from the Spirit.

"The Lord has given you this dream -- you need to pursue discipleship."

She and others went on to pray that I would walk in faith like Abraham and Sarah, and that the Lord would fulfill His promises to me.  Most of them had no idea how significant that was, but this is something the Lord has been showing me and speaking to me since March.

And that was it.  I knew in my spirit that I had my answer.  Through Linda, the Lord had confirmed the direction I should go. I've had my yes on the table for awhile, letting the Lord know I would do whatever and go whichever direction He wanted me to go -- but I haven't known which direction that was.  I've been praying alone, with friends, and in community for six months or so that He would make His direction clear to me, but I just didn't have an answer.  I prayed and prayed and groaned and waited and was trusting the Lord He would make it clear in His timing.

And His timing was last night.  And His answer was to pursue discipleship.

And my answer to Him is yes, I will.

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ.  What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.  I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ. ~ Philippians 3:7-8