Answered Prayers

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Sometime in mid- to late-July, I was standing in my room packing up clothes in anticipation of moving out of our old house on Soapstone.  It was really, really hard.  My old roommate and I had both heard the Lord say that it was time to move on and find new roommates.  It was sad because we both really enjoyed living together and had a lot of fun.  The Lord used her to change my life.  Our house had been sold, so staying was not an option.  Every door that looked like a possibility had been closed.  I had about a week left with a place to live and, despite knocking on every door and leaving no stone that I knew of unturned, nothing had worked out.

Absolutely nothing.  After the week was up, I had no idea where I would live.

I cry/yelled at God in my head, "What are you doing?!  Why is this happening?"  I was just really at a loss, and felt desperate.  I was probably crying (for those of you who know me, shocker).

I felt a clear, immediate, unmistakable answer: "I am answering your prayers.  You prayed to be on offense."

I remember the first time I heard Mark Batterson say, "God didn't come for us to play it safe.  He came to make us dangerous."  The words connected with my spirit immediately.  He went on to explain how much of the church is engaged in defense to keep us from losing ground, but how God has called us to storm the gates of hell.  When I heard him say that, I knew instantaneously that God was using Mark to talk directly to me.  I prayed a simple prayer right there while riding my bike -- "Lord, help me to be on offense and not on defense for your kingdom."

And there in my room on Soapstone Dr. more than a year later, God let me know he was answering a prayer I had prayed in a way that I can't say I understood or made sense to me.  But I believe Him and I trust Him.  I am now on offense.

To be honest, I cannot say I understand how the circumstances of my life are going to work out.  I see an impending deadline.  I see closed doors all over the place.  I feel like nothing I've done in a really long time has worked out.  I see my lack of training in a direction God is telling me to go.  Nothing about this plan seems good on paper.

But I can feel God with me.  I can feel his Spirit telling me which way to go, and I know He is transforming me.  Without a doubt, He has given me supernatural courage that can only come from Him.  I know He is telling me to wait and to be still and to listen to Him.  I know He has it under control, even though it doesn't look like it or feel like it.

Even when it seems like I'm benched or just trying to play defense to keep life from swallowing me whole, I trust that God has placed me on offense and -- in His timing -- He will call me off the bench to play for His kingdom.  In the meantime, I am just working to listen and obey Him.  I know He is building character and stamina in me, and working out many of the rough spots.  I will play offense at the moment He is ready -- and not a moment before.

I trust Him completely and am grateful He has answered this prayer in my life, even though I don't understand how just yet.