Healing from the Past and Hope for the Future from Unlikely Sources, Part I of IV

When I think about the spiritual aspect of how I grew up, it's sad and maybe it was the perfect storm for getting hurt.  First off: me -- I was a strong willed child who, despite putting on fronts that would indicate otherwise, was incredibly sensitive and easily hurt.  Second off: churches that were run by insecure, immature leaders who had strong (and I've come to believe not Biblical) ideas about women and their roles.  They were threatened by others -- particularly women -- who were confident and knowledgable.  They proactively worked to cut others down to size, typically before they even posed a threat to others.  Third off: role models who -- through no fault of their own -- were incredibly hurt and were marginalized and wounded by the immature leadership they'd been under in church settings.  This led me to believe that you were just supposed to "take it" when others devalued and disrespected you.  It also led me to believe that operating out of your strengths was threatening to others and, as a result, should be avoided.

I grew up thinking that this was normal.  I grew up thinking it was normal to have someone bring you to church and be so hurt they would cry in the car because they couldn't bear to go in themselves.  I grew up thinking it was normal to be cut down to size if you knew the answers to too many questions, or if you asked questions that adults didn't have answers for.  I grew up thinking boys were "better" than girls.  I grew up thinking it was normal to have to re-accept Jesus into your heart every week because your salvation was never a guaranteed thing.  I grew up thinking it was normal to fall down every time someone prayed for you.  I grew up thinking that a lot of things that I've come to think are downright incorrect, toxic, and abusive were normal and were, at a minimum, Jesus-approved but probably even Jesus-santioned.

And, as I entered adulthood, I wasn't really sure what to do with all of that but I knew for sure that I didn't like it.