It was clear. It was random. It was unmistakable. And when I felt like He told me to apply to the Protege Program, I thought that meant that I was done at the U of A and would be leaving for DC this past August.
Nope, wrong.
Oh, I thought. That means He will provide the support I need to do the Protege program, but on a just in time basis.
Nope, wrong.
"Development," God told me.
Aha. I need to volunteer more and get more involved at church! I will be reading a whole bunch of books and gaining the skills I need to be a discipleship pastor by volunteering.
Nope, wrong.
"Don't live with Katie," I sensed the Lord saying.
Man, that sucks. I love Katie! Well I guess the Lord is leading me to live with Emily instead! Oh wait, that's not what He's saying? I guess He will provide at the last minute so I can live with someone else my age-ish.
Nope, wrong.
I went through a period where basically everything I've thought the Lord's saying had been wrong. But as I look back and reflect, it hasn't been wrong -- I've just been trying to finish His sentences for Him. That's not really the way it works; it's not my job to finish God's sentences for Him, it's my job to follow Him. I've been learning what this looks like, slowly but surely. I'm learning to dial back the expectations of a big picture vision all at once. I'm learning to trust Him when the path is completely ambiguous. I'm learning to be able to sit in silence and just enjoy time with Him, even when we are both quiet. It is hard. At times, it's awkward. But it is good, and definitely something I need to be learn. One more thing I'm learning during this year of development.
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