Development - First Check-In

I wrote way back when about how i felt the Lord telling me this would be a year of development.  I wrote about how what I thought that meant wasn't actually what it meant.  Now that -- mercifully -- we're approaching Thanksgiving break and are more than a third of the way through my last academic year at the U of A, I'd like to check in and reflect a little bit.

It's really funny to read back on what I thought development might look like when the Lord first whispered that to me in August.  It turned out to be pretty right on -- the year of development was going to be about developing my character.  When I wrote the original post about it, I apparently had some clarity.  Over the next couple months, however, my view of development became skewed and less accurate.

You see, somehow in my mind development became about acquiring skills, building a network, filling my head with knowledge, and all kinds of other noble goals.  Development became about things that, at least from a worldly perspective, are great.  And so I dived in with great abandon to reading books and meeting with people and trying to make contacts and get experiences that would help me to be a good discipleship pastor.

And then I felt God clearly saying to stop.
Stop reading.
Stop trying to leverage the wisdom of the collective.
In short, to stop trying to make this happen on my own and instead to trust that God Himself would speak to me and tell me what to do next in His timing.

The year of development has not been about learning skills, organizing and leading small groups, or volunteering at church -- it has been about teaching classes I don't know anything about, stepping in to fill roles that are needed in our department even though I don't have time or the capability to do so, choosing to believe that God's grace IS sufficient for me when I feel stretched beyond my human capabilities, learning to follow well and honor those in authority over me, being faithful to the opportunities that God puts in front of me, and learning to trust that God will provide me with exactly what I need to get through one day at a time.  It has been about learning how to take care of myself and how to rest when life is stressful.  It has been about honing my ability to listen to God (without finishing His sentences) and prioritizing time with Him.  It has been about learning to be content and grateful when circumstances are tough.  It has been about embracing uncertainty and trusting God with the future.

It has been hard, but it has been good.  While I don't pretend to understand God's plan (more on that later), I can see how these life lessons are more valuable than anything I could learn from books.  I am grateful that the Lord's wisdom exceeds my own and that He is orchestrating the circumstances of my life to prepare me so that I will have the character I need to walk in whatever He calls me to next -- whatever that is.