The other week I was at our church offices after a meeting, and I was meeting a friend for dinner at 9. I had some time before I was supposed to meet him, so I decided just to wait at church and finish up some work until dinner.
A voice interrupted me. Since I had left the door unlocked, someone had come into our church and asked, "Um, sorry, but do you know if the last bus has come for the night?"
A bit of background for the non-Fayetteville people -- Arkansas in general and Fayetteville in particular are not places you want to live without a car. While we do have a small bus system, the schedule is infrequent and the routes are limited. So, long story short, I told the normal, young-ish looking girl who I assumed was a college student that I didn't know and that I would be happy to look the information up for her online. She said she thought she'd missed the last bus for the night, walked outside, and thanked me.
And that's when the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit told me to offer her a ride. So I locked up the church and I did.
Over the course of giving her a ride, that's when I learned she was a domestic abuse victim, she had just left her living situation in Louisiana a few weeks prior, she'd had to leave her dog and sense of security behind, she was drunk on a Wednesday night at 8 PM, she was staying with strangers who were cokeheads, she didn't have a place to live, and her phone had been stolen from the last sketchy guy who she'd stayed with two nights prior. My heart was broken. I kept asking the Lord to give me wisdom -- what do I do? What do I say?
When I dropped her off, it broke my heart. I asked if I could pray for her. She initially wouldn't let me, but she then relented. I sensed the Holy Spirit's presence heavily right there in my little Civic in a sketchy neighborhood praying for my new friend Chessly. She asked for my number and, after praying for wisdom, I felt like I should give it to her -- so I did. However, it's been about a month and I haven't heard from her.
I still pray for her; I would appreciate it if you would too.
Like I've explained before, one of the biggest lessons I'm learning now is to just to be faithful to the opportunities the Lord puts in front of you. I'm also learning that you never know what they will be.
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
List for the future
When I came back from DC, I felt so blessed -- blessed by people's generosity with their time, their experiences, their resources, and their influence. I was honored and humbled that these folks I'd admired for so long would spend time with a nobody from Arkansas. I don't have a title. I don't have a position in any fancy church. There's nothing that I can do for them -- but they were generous and giving with everything they had. I was (and am) so grateful.
As I shared how grateful I was with one of my friends, she said, "Sarah, I think you need to remember how you feel right now. Remember how grateful you are. Remember how blessed you were by their generosity. I really feel like you're going to be in a position to share your wisdom and experiences with others someday, and I think you need to remember what that feels like on the receiving side now before you get in the position to be on the giving side."
From one perspective -- the one I'm living now where I just have a God dream and a day job and no inclination that I'll ever really be in position to be on the giving side -- my friend's suggestion seems sort of silly and foolish and like it's crazy. However, when Emily said that, her suggestion resonated with my Spirit immediately and I just somehow sensed that she was right.
After I'd had time to think, pray, and process through her suggestion, I sat down with my journal and asked the Lord to help me make a list of things I would do when I was someday in a position to share my wisdom with others. Here's the list that emerged.
When I am in a position to share what I have, I will
As I shared how grateful I was with one of my friends, she said, "Sarah, I think you need to remember how you feel right now. Remember how grateful you are. Remember how blessed you were by their generosity. I really feel like you're going to be in a position to share your wisdom and experiences with others someday, and I think you need to remember what that feels like on the receiving side now before you get in the position to be on the giving side."
From one perspective -- the one I'm living now where I just have a God dream and a day job and no inclination that I'll ever really be in position to be on the giving side -- my friend's suggestion seems sort of silly and foolish and like it's crazy. However, when Emily said that, her suggestion resonated with my Spirit immediately and I just somehow sensed that she was right.
After I'd had time to think, pray, and process through her suggestion, I sat down with my journal and asked the Lord to help me make a list of things I would do when I was someday in a position to share my wisdom with others. Here's the list that emerged.
When I am in a position to share what I have, I will
- Be generous with my time, inviting those who are interested to come and learn.
- Invest in others to make myself completely replaceable.
- Affirm the callings of others.
- Train my staff to be generous with our time, talent, and treasure.
- Share with others what I've learned via writing (book, blog, etc).
- Leverage connections on behalf of others. Connect people when and how I can.
- Make everything open-source and share generously with the resources we create.
- Use my influence to advance the causes of the disadvantaged.
This list came as quickly as I could write -- probably in less than 10 minutes. This list shocked me, both in its specificity and in some of what it said (I'll have a staff?! Writing books?! REALLY?!?!?!). After I praying about it, discussing the list with a few close friends, and really spending time asking God "are you sure this isn't my own imagination?", I think this list is from God -- so now I am putting the list out there. I am believing by faith that I will somehow, one day do all of these things.
It seems crazy. I don't see how it is possible. I cannot see a path for how this will possibly happen.
In the meantime, I am working to be faithful with the resources I have now. I am writing more in my blog to establish a writing habit and a writing voice (#5). For those in my spheres of influence, I work to speak life into their lives and affirm their calling (#3). I am learning to be generous with my own time right now (#1).
I am praying God takes my humble seed of obedience, and grows it into something big and beautiful and of His creation and for His glory. I don't need, expect, or even want credit. It's all because of and for Jesus. To Him alone be the glory.
Friday, November 15, 2013
People Development: Lessons from the Trenches
Yesterday, I had some work collaborators come to campus to tie up the loose ends we had on a project we finished this summer. Although the project -- particularly in the last week or two -- was incredibly stressful, in the end the client was very happy with the work that we did for them. Their preliminary estimate is that the project will net more than a 2,500% ROI (nope, no typo or calculation error; the project results were a slam dunk).
Arriving at the finish line of the project was no easy task -- it just wasn't. It involved all nighters (which I'm way too old for and never really did during school anyway). It involved micromanaging someone who just wouldn't do his job without micromanaging. It required us to go back and double and triple check everything because we couldn't trust that the work was correct. It was sanctifying and helped me to build patience; no doubt about it.
But the thing is -- the parts of the project that caused me the most frustration and took so much of my time and were so hard to manage? The client loved them. They went on and on about how good they were, both during the project and again yesterday. And secretly I thought to myself, "OMG if you only knew what went into getting you those results and the things you're praising, you would appraise this situation and cast of characters totally differently."
And yesterday, the Lord was quick to point out -- "This is your job. It is people development. It is to set people up to be successful. It is not to use them to do something you can then take the credit for."
And regardless of what my next job is -- professor, discipleship pastor, or something else -- I think I will always be in the people development business. This year the Lord is teaching me a bunch about developing people. This isn't something I really expected to learn much about this year, but I am.
I am learning that I need to manage, coach, and reprimand in private.
I am learning that I need to not care about who gets credit.
I am learning that it's not a win if people need me to be successful. That's another form of pride.
In short, I am learning Kingdom economics and management principles. I am learning that my biggest successes will come if I become completely replaceable -- if I am able to raise up and help train leaders who can do what I do, with their own signature style. I am learning that my best success will be training people who can take over my job -- over time hopefully better than and independently of me. And when those people can raise up leaders to replace themselves? That's the ultimate win because then the vision becomes scalable.
And in short, that's how Jesus told us to make disciples. I am learning how to do that, and how to care most about just serving Jesus and working to love and develop others -- regardless of who gets the credit.
Arriving at the finish line of the project was no easy task -- it just wasn't. It involved all nighters (which I'm way too old for and never really did during school anyway). It involved micromanaging someone who just wouldn't do his job without micromanaging. It required us to go back and double and triple check everything because we couldn't trust that the work was correct. It was sanctifying and helped me to build patience; no doubt about it.
But the thing is -- the parts of the project that caused me the most frustration and took so much of my time and were so hard to manage? The client loved them. They went on and on about how good they were, both during the project and again yesterday. And secretly I thought to myself, "OMG if you only knew what went into getting you those results and the things you're praising, you would appraise this situation and cast of characters totally differently."
And yesterday, the Lord was quick to point out -- "This is your job. It is people development. It is to set people up to be successful. It is not to use them to do something you can then take the credit for."
And regardless of what my next job is -- professor, discipleship pastor, or something else -- I think I will always be in the people development business. This year the Lord is teaching me a bunch about developing people. This isn't something I really expected to learn much about this year, but I am.
I am learning that I need to manage, coach, and reprimand in private.
I am learning that I need to praise, protect, and advocate for others in public.
I am learning that I need to not care about who gets credit.
I am learning that I need to care about the job getting done well, and people learning in the process -- and if they get the credit for something that I've done, that's ok.
I am learning that it's not a win if people need me to be successful. That's another form of pride.
I am learning that I need to set people up to be successful and, in time, independent.
In short, I am learning Kingdom economics and management principles. I am learning that my biggest successes will come if I become completely replaceable -- if I am able to raise up and help train leaders who can do what I do, with their own signature style. I am learning that my best success will be training people who can take over my job -- over time hopefully better than and independently of me. And when those people can raise up leaders to replace themselves? That's the ultimate win because then the vision becomes scalable.
And in short, that's how Jesus told us to make disciples. I am learning how to do that, and how to care most about just serving Jesus and working to love and develop others -- regardless of who gets the credit.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
God's plans
During my visit to NCC, I felt like I heard really clearly from God. I was grateful. One morning while I was doing some meditative journaling, I felt like God was asking me a question:
I was taken aback. I though for a sec.
He replied quickly but gently.
Touche. It was a moment of clarity, and I was (and am) grateful for it.
Since that time, I've been able to embrace a lot more uncertainty. I've spent a lot less time trying to figure things out, and a lot more time just trying to seek God instead of just seeking His will or guidance for what comes next.
If I am following God, He will reveal in His timing what comes next.
If I am following God, the details of what comes next are a lot less important than the process of learning to trust Him unconditionally.
If I am following God, really the rest just matters a whole lot less.
And that is liberating.
And I am grateful.
"Sarah, do you understand me?"
I was taken aback. I though for a sec.
"Well, um, no. Not really. I mean I guess I get glimpses of what you're like, but I would go with a 'No, I don't understand you.'"
He replied quickly but gently.
"Well then why would you understand my plans?"
Touche. It was a moment of clarity, and I was (and am) grateful for it.
Since that time, I've been able to embrace a lot more uncertainty. I've spent a lot less time trying to figure things out, and a lot more time just trying to seek God instead of just seeking His will or guidance for what comes next.
If I am following God, He will reveal in His timing what comes next.
If I am following God, the details of what comes next are a lot less important than the process of learning to trust Him unconditionally.
If I am following God, really the rest just matters a whole lot less.
And that is liberating.
And I am grateful.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Development - First Check-In
I wrote way back when about how i felt the Lord telling me this would be a year of development. I wrote about how what I thought that meant wasn't actually what it meant. Now that -- mercifully -- we're approaching Thanksgiving break and are more than a third of the way through my last academic year at the U of A, I'd like to check in and reflect a little bit.
It's really funny to read back on what I thought development might look like when the Lord first whispered that to me in August. It turned out to be pretty right on -- the year of development was going to be about developing my character. When I wrote the original post about it, I apparently had some clarity. Over the next couple months, however, my view of development became skewed and less accurate.
You see, somehow in my mind development became about acquiring skills, building a network, filling my head with knowledge, and all kinds of other noble goals. Development became about things that, at least from a worldly perspective, are great. And so I dived in with great abandon to reading books and meeting with people and trying to make contacts and get experiences that would help me to be a good discipleship pastor.
And then I felt God clearly saying to stop.
Stop reading.
Stop trying to leverage the wisdom of the collective.
In short, to stop trying to make this happen on my own and instead to trust that God Himself would speak to me and tell me what to do next in His timing.
The year of development has not been about learning skills, organizing and leading small groups, or volunteering at church -- it has been about teaching classes I don't know anything about, stepping in to fill roles that are needed in our department even though I don't have time or the capability to do so, choosing to believe that God's grace IS sufficient for me when I feel stretched beyond my human capabilities, learning to follow well and honor those in authority over me, being faithful to the opportunities that God puts in front of me, and learning to trust that God will provide me with exactly what I need to get through one day at a time. It has been about learning how to take care of myself and how to rest when life is stressful. It has been about honing my ability to listen to God (without finishing His sentences) and prioritizing time with Him. It has been about learning to be content and grateful when circumstances are tough. It has been about embracing uncertainty and trusting God with the future.
It has been hard, but it has been good. While I don't pretend to understand God's plan (more on that later), I can see how these life lessons are more valuable than anything I could learn from books. I am grateful that the Lord's wisdom exceeds my own and that He is orchestrating the circumstances of my life to prepare me so that I will have the character I need to walk in whatever He calls me to next -- whatever that is.
It's really funny to read back on what I thought development might look like when the Lord first whispered that to me in August. It turned out to be pretty right on -- the year of development was going to be about developing my character. When I wrote the original post about it, I apparently had some clarity. Over the next couple months, however, my view of development became skewed and less accurate.
You see, somehow in my mind development became about acquiring skills, building a network, filling my head with knowledge, and all kinds of other noble goals. Development became about things that, at least from a worldly perspective, are great. And so I dived in with great abandon to reading books and meeting with people and trying to make contacts and get experiences that would help me to be a good discipleship pastor.
And then I felt God clearly saying to stop.
Stop reading.
Stop trying to leverage the wisdom of the collective.
In short, to stop trying to make this happen on my own and instead to trust that God Himself would speak to me and tell me what to do next in His timing.
The year of development has not been about learning skills, organizing and leading small groups, or volunteering at church -- it has been about teaching classes I don't know anything about, stepping in to fill roles that are needed in our department even though I don't have time or the capability to do so, choosing to believe that God's grace IS sufficient for me when I feel stretched beyond my human capabilities, learning to follow well and honor those in authority over me, being faithful to the opportunities that God puts in front of me, and learning to trust that God will provide me with exactly what I need to get through one day at a time. It has been about learning how to take care of myself and how to rest when life is stressful. It has been about honing my ability to listen to God (without finishing His sentences) and prioritizing time with Him. It has been about learning to be content and grateful when circumstances are tough. It has been about embracing uncertainty and trusting God with the future.
It has been hard, but it has been good. While I don't pretend to understand God's plan (more on that later), I can see how these life lessons are more valuable than anything I could learn from books. I am grateful that the Lord's wisdom exceeds my own and that He is orchestrating the circumstances of my life to prepare me so that I will have the character I need to walk in whatever He calls me to next -- whatever that is.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Finishing the Sentence....
"Discipleship pastor," I heard the Lord say.
"Daily bread," I heard the Lord whisper to me late last spring.
"Development," God told me.
I went through a period where basically everything I've thought the Lord's saying had been wrong. But as I look back and reflect, it hasn't been wrong -- I've just been trying to finish His sentences for Him. That's not really the way it works; it's not my job to finish God's sentences for Him, it's my job to follow Him. I've been learning what this looks like, slowly but surely. I'm learning to dial back the expectations of a big picture vision all at once. I'm learning to trust Him when the path is completely ambiguous. I'm learning to be able to sit in silence and just enjoy time with Him, even when we are both quiet. It is hard. At times, it's awkward. But it is good, and definitely something I need to be learn. One more thing I'm learning during this year of development.
It was clear. It was random. It was unmistakable. And when I felt like He told me to apply to the Protege Program, I thought that meant that I was done at the U of A and would be leaving for DC this past August.
Nope, wrong.
Oh, I thought. That means He will provide the support I need to do the Protege program, but on a just in time basis.
Nope, wrong.
"Development," God told me.
Aha. I need to volunteer more and get more involved at church! I will be reading a whole bunch of books and gaining the skills I need to be a discipleship pastor by volunteering.
Nope, wrong.
"Don't live with Katie," I sensed the Lord saying.
Man, that sucks. I love Katie! Well I guess the Lord is leading me to live with Emily instead! Oh wait, that's not what He's saying? I guess He will provide at the last minute so I can live with someone else my age-ish.
Nope, wrong.
I went through a period where basically everything I've thought the Lord's saying had been wrong. But as I look back and reflect, it hasn't been wrong -- I've just been trying to finish His sentences for Him. That's not really the way it works; it's not my job to finish God's sentences for Him, it's my job to follow Him. I've been learning what this looks like, slowly but surely. I'm learning to dial back the expectations of a big picture vision all at once. I'm learning to trust Him when the path is completely ambiguous. I'm learning to be able to sit in silence and just enjoy time with Him, even when we are both quiet. It is hard. At times, it's awkward. But it is good, and definitely something I need to be learn. One more thing I'm learning during this year of development.
Monday, November 11, 2013
Discipleship pastoring
After I had the conversation with Heather, I realized that I already was a pastor. I care for the spiritual development of others in formal and informal contexts. I regularly hang out with a couple college kids, intentionally investing in their spiritual development. Friends agree I have the spiritual gift of shepherding or pastoring. I am working hard to follow the Lord's lead, being faithful to the opportunities that the Lord puts in front of me and making disciples at work and at church.
"Huh, I guess I already AM a discipleship pastor," I thought to myself. Who knew?!
No idea what the Lord means when He says I'll be a discipleship pastor. Maybe it will be in a formal context, like a category 3. While I don't think it will be in IE, it could be in another vocation where I am a category 1 or 2 discipleship pastor.
The bottom line is that I have no idea, and ultimately -- at least for now -- it doesn't matter. I am just working to stay close to Jesus and follow Him on each step of this incredibly confusing, nonlinear path. He will make things clear in His timing. I do know that, in this season of waiting and transition, that the Lord is building into me character, stamina, and an ability to hear His voice. That will be invaluable regardless of what comes next.
"Huh, I guess I already AM a discipleship pastor," I thought to myself. Who knew?!
No idea what the Lord means when He says I'll be a discipleship pastor. Maybe it will be in a formal context, like a category 3. While I don't think it will be in IE, it could be in another vocation where I am a category 1 or 2 discipleship pastor.
The bottom line is that I have no idea, and ultimately -- at least for now -- it doesn't matter. I am just working to stay close to Jesus and follow Him on each step of this incredibly confusing, nonlinear path. He will make things clear in His timing. I do know that, in this season of waiting and transition, that the Lord is building into me character, stamina, and an ability to hear His voice. That will be invaluable regardless of what comes next.
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